**************************************************************************** ### # # ### ##### ## # # # ## ## # # ### ##### ## ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### # # # # # # # # # ## # #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # ## ## ## ### # # # # # ### ____________________________________________________________________________ # # ### #### # # #### # # ### #### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### ### ##### # # #### ##### # # ##### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### # # # # #### # # ### # # # ##### ##### #### *******NUMBERS 361 TO 365*****************************BY DANIEL BOWEN******* *****Please note, some of the quoted addresses within this file may no***** ***longer be correct. Please email info@toxiccustard.com for information.*** "Under the weather Toxic Custard" ====== ||== || || ||=== http://www.toxiccustard.com || || || || || ||== Number 361, 1/9/97 ||oxic||==ustard||=||=||orkshop||iles Written by Daniel Bowen Due to (a) Me getting a cold and not feeling, shall we say, 100% (b) My foolish decision last week to attempt installing certain beta product (its initials are IE) which resulted in the computer being inoperable (it's only just recovering now) and (c) I don't feel like it... ... this will be a shortened edition of Toxic Custard. No new Grooviest Thing round to vote in, no Guide To Australia stuff, just a couple of diary entries and that's your lot. There is, however, a quick correction... In last week's Guide To Australia, for "alligators" read "crocodiles". Still bloody dangerous, though. Thanks to the smartarses who spotted the mistake. Umm.. the umm.. INTENTIONAL mistake! Yeah! Just put in there to check who was really reading it! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE GROOVIEST THING IN MELBOURNE Well, early on it was a pretty close battle between the Waterfall boat and the Truck. But the boat eventually ended up in front, a potent symbol of the power and importance of water in our lives. Umm. Or something like that. Final results: Waterfall boat - 88 votes Truck - 66 votes There'll be a new round will be next week! In the mean time, you can check all the archives of previous rounds at http://www.toxiccustard.com/melbourne/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Wed 27/8/97 - 27 on the 27th Today was my birthday. Along with Don Bradman and Mother Teresa. I invited them out for drinks to celebrate, but apparently they were both busy. I think someone else in the office had a birthday too, because I heard people singing it from behind some partitions somewhere. It was just the immediate family doing the birthday cake thing after dinner tonight. It's a bit of a worry when you can't blow out all the candles in one go anymore. Next year I think I'll go into training for it to make sure I'm ready. The real celebration for my birthday has been delayed a week, until my brother-in-law gets here for his visit, with a bundle of presents from overseas rellies in his suitcase. I hope he knows what they are; I can just imagine him getting quizzed in airports... "Are you carrying anything belonging to another person?" "Err... yeah, kind of... some packages..." "Do you know what's inside these packages?" "Not really, they're a surprise..." "Just come with us please sir, this will only take a minute." DIARY - Mon 1/9/97 - Arrivals As it turns out, we almost thought that my brother-in-law (his name's Daniel Boren, I'm sure I explained this whole mess last year) *was* getting the ol' rubber glove treatment, judging from the time we were waiting for him at International Arrivals. Next time I reckon we'll take the effort to check the flight number before we traipse out to the airport. Turned out he went through Sydney and cleared customs there, then arrived in Melbourne on a domestic flight. So now we get to show him around the place for the next couple of weeks. I'm taking the time off work, and wouldn't you know it, straight away I've got a cold. Why does this always happen on holidays? There's more of "Diary of an Average Australian" at http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There's heaps of stuff waiting for your eyeballs, at http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@toxiccustard.com ----- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "MAAAAAAANLY Toxic Custard" ***** **** * * ***** TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES * * * * * **** Number 362, 8/9/97 Written by Daniel Bowen * **** ***** * http://www.toxiccustard.com THE GROOVIEST THING IN MELBOURNE Round 8: RMIT facade versus River statue thingies What: RMIT facade River statue thingies Where: Swanston Street, north of North bank of the Yarra, LaTrobe Street near Queensbridge Details: Okay, so it's just a I don't know what they building. But in this day symbolise, why they're of faceless and forgettable there, or even what they're grey marble and mirror meant to look like. But office blocks, the front of they look very groovy, RMIT makes a pleasant standing there all in a change. So maybe the row, and they probably architect was experimenting helped keep a struggling with various substances of artist off the streets for doubtful legality, but it a month. gives a bit of character to the place. Whoever and wherever you are, come see these in full living colour and vote for what YOU think is groovier! http://www.toxiccustard.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Monday 8/9/97 - Thump your chest Ah, what a week it's been. We've been showing my brother-in-law Dan, around the place. The city, Lygon Street, Williamstown, Richmond, the Gardens, Southbank... you name it, we've done it. Well, almost. Saturday night of course found us watching Diana's funeral with friends - in between eating dinner and playing chess and Trivial Pursuit. Having four channels on which to watch the funeral brought me to this conclusion: Channel 7 may be okay at covering football, but not funerals. In contrast with the grace and dignity that the other channels showed, Channel 7 was a mess. 7 had 3, count them, three commentators (what on Earth for?!), and as a result there was rarely a moment when at least one of them wasn't talking. In those rare moments of silence, not only could rustling papers be consistently heard, but at least once a mobile phone rang loudly on air. But what topped it was that during the hearse's trip away from the Abbey, a bloody great banner was slapped across the screen, with a big "7" logo and a "Vale Princess Diana" (or something) filling up the bottom fifth of the screen. In one shot, showing all of Pall Mall with the hearse at the bottom of screen, the banner even obscured the hearse! Well done 7. Sunday was my most MANLY and BUTCH day in quite some time. Rounding up sheep and footy. Makes me want to beat my chest just thinking about it. Ug. It started out on a friend's farm, Dan and I being invited to help with some sheep. The first step was to move the sheep to a pen. The basic rule of convincing sheep to go somewhere is to frighten them. They're perpetually nervous of people, so you just stand where you don't want them to go, and they'll go anywhere else that they can. We had almost got the sheep to the pen when Steve, our host and part-time farmer, announced a small problem. A bull lives in the same paddock we were moving the sheep to. This was, of course, something he hadn't mentioned before we started. I'm not sure I would have been quite so eager to accept had he said "Let's move some sheep into the same paddock a huge bull is resting in". But his advice was simply to keep your distance and run for the fence if the bull approached looking angry. I thanked whatever deity might be listening that I had a grey coat on over my red jumper. In the end it all worked out. We got the sheep into the pen and gave them the appropriate medicine, then got them back out again. A few of them were unco-operative and had to be man-handled (ug!), but combined with driving rain and a bull watching from nearby only helped to get the testosterone flowing. On Sunday evening Dan and I went to the MCG with fifty-five thousand of our closest friends to see the big men fly. Cats versus Kangaroos, and alas the Cats lost, but not before beer and pies and chips had been consumed in more rain. Nobody seemed to mind the rain except for the fact that it watered-down the beer. Nothing could slow down the constant flow of invectives towards the opposing players and umpires. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ More tough and butch Aussie Toxic Custard at http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@toxiccustard.com ----- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Holidaying Toxic Custard" TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES - - - - Number 363, 15th September 1997 Written by Daniel Bowen - - - - - - - - http://www.toxiccustard.com *As seen in Needlecraft News, Palmerston North, NZ!!!* THE GROOVIEST THING IN MELBOURNE Last week it was the RMIT building versus a bunch of river-side statues. It was a close race, but in the end the river statue thingies held out. Final results: RMIT facade - 66 votes Riverside statues - 77 votes Round 9: The Battle of Russell Street What: Big Hammer Thing Where: Russell Street, corner of Russell Street, corner of Bourke Street. Just north Little Collins Street. Just of the Thing. south of the big hammer. Details: You could easily walk Just next to the hammer is right past it and not this thing. Some kind of notice, but the first decorative device, one can time you do notice, the only assume. reaction is something like "whoa! What the heck Come to think of it, it is that? It's huge!" might be the nail to go with the hammer... It's the second biggest hammer I've ever seen. I shudder to think at the size of the nail it's used with. Whoever and wherever you are, come see these in full living colour and vote for what YOU think is groovier! http://www.toxiccustard.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Sunday 14/9/97 - Holiday part 1 Well, today we said goodbye to my brother-in-law Daniel Boren after his two week stay here. Perhaps surprisingly there was no confusion with our names, since I insist on "Daniel", and he is generally known as "Dan". Just as well. While he was here we showed him around the city and a few bits of the state, so you may find that I rabbit on about various places we visited for the next few weeks a la Bill Bryson. I took time off the rigours of work while he was here, so it was my holiday too. On Dan's first day here (after the "domestic/international arrivals fiasco" that morning - see 1/9/97), we strolled around our neighbourhood shops, pointing out various oddities as the infamous former-Pot Spot and the half-hearted nautical theme, which consists of some anchor-shaped brickwork, a sculpture on the side of Safeway, and an old uncared-for rowboat gathering dust opposite the 7-11. I'm not quite sure what it adds to the neighbourhood, since I suspect that most people don't notice it at all. We walked on to sunny Carnegie, a shopping strip resplendent with its permanently running sausage-sizzle, a not unpleasant aroma emanating from the Russian grocery shop, construction guys getting in everyone's way re-doing the footpaths, and of course Lizzy's brilliant chocolate shop, home of the Chocolate Buddha. After that we caught a tram down into Elsternwick, pointing out Bambra Studio, Marla's and The Daily Planet, which are the three brothels along the way (brothels are legal in Victoria). Then we cruised around Elsternwick's shops - the perennial Sunflower Books, and yummy Louie's, and the ever entertaining Child And Adult. We dropped into Hattams, where I used to work part time when I was at school, and I completely forgot to show Dan the old Cash Railway they still have working there. Ah well. On Dan's second day, we headed into groovy funky Carlton. We jumped out of the train at Museu... errr Melbourne Central and strolled up Swanston Street, along the way pointing out the RMIT students, who at the time had been occupying one of the university's finance offices for a couple of weeks. They were battling university policy with big banners and shouting into megaphones, the same way most protestors do. Lygon Street, Carlton, is definitely Melbourne's epicure epicentre. You could spend far too much time, money and appetite here buying all sorts of gastronomic goodies. Dan's particular quest was to find the perfect baguette - it had to be nice and crunchy, and firm, not baggy. Once it was found, we managed to dodge the continual swarms of school children doing some kind of survey, and get on with the serious business of lunch at Thresherman's and a gelato at that place opposite the park. By that time it was raining pretty hard, but by the time we'd finished the gelati, it had let up a bit, and we walked back to the city, and spontaneously decided that a visit to the Old Melbourne Gaol was in order. My wife Lori and her mother visited there a couple of years ago, and came back with stories of being scared out of their wits by the dark, dingy cells with their hanged prisoners' death masks. I actually didn't think it was *that* scary, but after a while we did hear a mournful wailing coming through the Gaol. It was my son Isaac, who had decided that it was not a very interesting place for a toddler to be. We walked back to Melbourne Central for a much needed coffee/hot chocolate break and a look at the shot tower. It's a 100ish year old tower that they couldn't knock down because it is protected, so they built the shopping centre around it instead. It may not sound like much, but it gets a good reaction the first time people see it, especially if you don't warn them first! We went through looking at the shops and kept on into Myer. We saved the descent back to street level for the Bourke Street store, where we could get a lift that still had a human operator announcing each floor - a bit like the start of "Are You Being Served". Then we walked the length of the Bourke Street Mall, dodging trams and listening to what ever buskers we could find along the way, and stopping at Darrell Lea for the compulsory big bag of liquorice. After dropping past McGills and the map shop in Little Bourke Street we went up and down the delightfully scenic Hardware Street, which I suspect is somewhere a lot of visitors to the city don't know about. And that's a good thing, it has a certain ambience it wouldn't achieve if it were swarmed with the masses. The same goes for Equitable Place, which we also explored before heading home from Flinders Street. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There's plenty more Toxic Custard at http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@custard.net.au ------- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Back to Toxic Custard" ******* ***** * * ***** http://www.toxiccustard.com * * * * * * Number 364, 22/9/97 TOXIC*CUSTARD*WORKSHOP*FILES* **** Written by Daniel Bowen -----*-------*****----*******--*------------------------------------- THE GROOVIEST THING IN MELBOURNE We don't have space for a new round this week, but here's the reasonably conclusive results of last week's Battle Of Russell Street: Final results: Big Hammer - 116 votes Thing - 21 votes More next week. In the mean time, you can check out the previous rounds results and pictures at http://www.toxiccustard.com/melbourne/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Tuesday 16/9/97 - Back to work Well, I got back to work yesterday to find that my desk had moved. In fact the move had been on the cards for some time, and most of us believed it might never actually happen. Office relocations in big companies have a habit of being permanently on the drawing board, the actual event being continually delayed because of re-wiring, lack of space, people waiting for people to move out of the desks they need to move into, or just about any other reason you can think of. But I had email last week to tell me that it had actually happened, and the plan had been known for so long that I knew exactly where to go when I got back to work. Which is good really, because you don't want to be wandering aimlessly around the building looking for your desk. Work itself has been flat out. Flat out in the sense that if there was space we could easily put a mattress flat out and sleep most of the day without impacting the work done. Instead we end up looking out of the window at the new view, conducting architecture reviews, watching the guy in the carpark downstairs shuffle cars around, and watching out for the ever-present Whitman's blimp. (Postscript: Hold the blimp watching, I've just been given something to do! Back to work!) DIARY EXCERPT - Saturday 21/9/97 - Ultrasound On Friday it was time once again to use all the technology that modern man has to offer in an attempt to look inside Lori's tummy to see how the new baby's doing, and most importantly, to see if we can find out whether we need more boy's clothes, or some girl's clothes. It's not definite, but the lady said she thought it was probably a boy. Which is good. Already having one boy, we know how they work. Not that I'd be complaining if it turns out to be a girl. As long as we get a human, I reckon we'll be happy. DIARY FLASHBACK - Wednesday 3/9/97 - Polly and the city Today, after buying footy tickets for Sunday through the truly wondrous Ticketmaster/Bass Web site (which proved that high technology can overcome the monotony of queuing outside a ticket box or waiting on the phone for a lifetime - even if it does cost $6 extra per booking), we headed for the Polly Woodside museum. Dan's a bit of a boating buff, so it was quite close to the top of the list of essential things to see. The Polly Woodside is a metal sailing ship, built last century in Belfast, sailed around the world and renamed half a dozen or so times in its lifetime, which finally settled down into an easy retirement a decade or two ago. The National Trust has restored it and setup a maritime museum around it at its new home on the Yarra. Because that's the kind of wacky, zany stuff the National Trust generally gets up to. When we got there, the lady selling tickets had run out of tickets. She improvised by putting a small circular green sticker on my jumper to indicate that we'd paid. Naturally the green sticker fell off the jumper and flew off into the distance somewhere. I can only hope that somebody didn't find that small circular green sticker, stick it on their jumper, and rip $7 off the National Trust by getting in for free. For myself I was merely hopeful that should I come across the lady selling tickets again, she would remember that I'd paid, despite my lack of green sticker. The museum itself has improved immeasurably in the last few years - last time I was there it was looking a bit shabby, housed in some old sheds and with a cafe in a big but fairly shaky-looking tent. That old tent was freezing cold in winter, and it rapidly expanded and deflated if there was so much as a slight breeze. Now all the displays, and the cafe, have been moved into nice new, much sturdier-looking buildings, and they've added a lighthouse (or at least, the top bit of one) and a few other maritime-type bits and pieces. Once everything in the museum had been thoroughly inspected, prodded, poked and studied, we walked along the Yarra foreshore, once an area of ugly industrial wasteland, now an area of ugly entertainment wasteland - the Crown Casino and other assorted attractions designed to separate you from your money. We didn't go in though, we just kept walking along the river, looking at the skyline and wondering if those big flame tower things in front of the casino would go off while we were there. They must be great for the homeless in winter. But I've often wondered how many seagulls have met their maker when the flames go off. We partook of lunch at Southgate - our second attempt was successful, the first attempt having been aborted after just the beers when it became apparent that toddler and noisy hip restaurant with loud music don't mix. Then we walked back through the city along Collins Street, stopping only to let our mouths water at Haigh's chocolates, and to ensure that Dan nipped down to check out the luxury of the Town Hall toilets. Walking past Parliament House, I asked one of the throng of police standing in readiness who they were expecting. Parliament House seems to be the standard point that protests head for - even when the protests aren't actually protesting against the state government, which sits there. Today it was protesting students, said the cop. We saw them later, marching through the streets, ready to bring society to its knees with a revolutionary combination of face paint and street theatre. Then we went for a walk through the Carlton Gardens so we could get sprayed by the fountains outside the Exhibition Buildings. A glance up at the very groovy mosaic on the side of the Fire Brigade HQ, a quick look in St Patrick's Cathedral, and then we headed home, while Dan decided to roam around for a bit longer, in a vain attempt to see if he could lose himself somewhere in Chinatown, or at the very least get on the wrong train to come home and end up in Mooroolbark or Spotswood. There's heaps more stuff going into the diary, including the full version of the excerpt above. Catch it all at http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Paul, somewhere in the USA, wrote: What would be the five 'Must see (rent)' Australian films? (for an uninformed American) Well, I can't say I'm much of a film buff, but I do like the odd flick, so here's a few that come to mind... I don't know which of these are available outside Australia, but at least a few of them have made it out into the big wide world. All the ones I've thought of are comedies, which I suppose is because I like comedies more than other varieties of film. And of course I've purposefully left out all those Aussie films that everybody in the universe has seen already (Croc Dundee, Yahoo Serious, Babe etc.) * Muriel's Wedding - Some people prefer Priscilla, which came out around the same time, but I like Muriel better because it's got more than one joke. (Priscilla's joke is that blokes in drag in a bus in the desert is funny. Not that that makes it a bad film.) * Cosi - This one has a lot of the same people as Muriel's Wedding, and I think manages to be even funnier. * Malcolm - It's getting on a bit now, but Malcolm was a great film, especially for blokes, who as everybody knows, love gadgets. Malcolm was full of gadgets. * The Big Steal - A very funny film about a guy who tries to get hold of the car of his dreams by any means possible. * The Magic Portal - A comedy adventure short starring a bunch of Lego characters who encounter Liquid Paper Daleks, weird bulldozer monsters and escape in a turbo-powered sneaker. Hardly worth looking for - you'll probably never find it. Others of all genres that are worth looking for are Strictly Ballroom, Picnic At Hanging Rock, Shine, and Gallipolli. If you're a TV fan, then probably the best Aussie show to look out for is Frontline (aka Behind The Frontline). To catch up on more Australian culture, check the question and answer archive at http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just the night, the custard, and you. http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@custard.net.au ------- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Name Toxic Custard!" ToxIc CustArd WorKshop FilEs http://www.toxiccustard.com NumbEr 365, 29th SeptEmber 1997. Written by DanieL BOwen. ===================================================================== THE TOXIC CUSTARD NAME OUR BABY COMPETITION! It's not an original idea, but what the heck, I've decided to ask you lot out there in the big wide world for baby names. Not that I'm guaranteeing that we'll use any of the ones you send in, but all of them will be given at least a nanosecond of consideration. I'd already kinda decided to do this, but was spurred on by the arrival of an email from a "Mr Groovy", who has obviously been paying attention to the stuff I've been writing. He and his girlfriend suggested the following names: - "Mr. Popsicle, which the kid will love when he's five but will turn him into a serial killer or something later" - "You have been given a divine sign all along, and haven't interpreted it as such. The child should be named Whitman." So, get mailing your suggestions in. They'll all go up on a web page. Some will get reprinted here, and you never know, one or two might even up being the new baby's name! At this stage we're looking for boys' names, since we've been told it's *probably* a boy. Suggest middle names too if you like. If by some miracle you choose the name we use, then the prize is... umm... I don't know. Probably something warm and fuzzy like the knowledge that you've named another human being. Send suggestions to baby@custard.net.au - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE GROOVIEST THING IN MELBOURNE Round 10: The Top versus the Shot Tower What: Top the Shot Tower Where: Bourke Street, just west Inside Melbourne Central of Elizabeth Street. shopping centre Details: Apparently serving no Apparently still here useful purpose other mostly because the than being decorative, developers weren't this top shaped thing allowed to knock it down, adorns a new complex this 100-ish year old opposite the GPO. tower almost singlehandedly turns What on Earth was the Melbourne Central from architect thinking, you being just another may ask yourself. monolithic shopping Certainly, that's what centre into something I've been wondering. almost interesting. Maybe he or she was just bored. Whoever and wherever you are, come see these in full living colour and vote for what YOU think is groovier! http://www.toxiccustard.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Sun 28/9/97 - Kids' stuff Today we zipped around St Kilda, showing our support for the locals, obviously still reeling from yesterday's Grand Final loss. Shocking as it may seem, there seemed to be a lot of Crows supporters around, seemingly gloating, wearing their team colours. So we decked a few and came home. Nahhhhh... "Let them have their Grand Final Cup. As long as they spend plenty of money while they're over here." Not that I'm actually St Kilda supporter. My team's Geelong, but I'd rather not discuss their Finals performance. Next Saturday we're going to head for Flemington races. Not for the horse racing, though no doubt the sight of horses would keep Isaac amused for a while. A friend of mine has a scheme to de-throne The Wiggles from their place as Australia's number one kids' group, with a group of his own: Jump 2 It. Their debut performance will be at Flemington at midday. Be there! Which reminds me... I'm wondering if at concerts for kids' acts who have their videos distributed by ABC Video, if before each show they should get someone on stage to lead all the parents in reciting the promo that's on the start of every tape... "All together now... There's a place alive with the magic of imagination, and all the colours of the rainbow..." DIARY FLASHBACK EXCERPT - Thu 4/9/97 - Messing about in boats We reached Williamstown, and jumped out of the ferry and explored for a bit. We went down a side street, through a laneway and past some big gates with all sorts of scary warnings about safety hats and unauthorised access being prohibited and things. That led to an obscure jetty, and we found the Enterprize replica. The Enterprize was the boat that some of the early settlers to Melbourne arrived in. I'm not sure of the exact sequence of events, or why it was spelt that way, or where the original boat disappeared to, but the replica is a truly marvellous piece of work, all gleaming wood and ropes and sails and things. It looks incredible. There were a few people pottering about with various bits of machinery, still doing little bits of work on it. You have to admire the craftsmanship involved in something like that. It must take way more patience than I'd ever have. Next we sought lunch. There's quite a reasonable range of restaurants in that part of Williamstown, and we decided that given the nautical theme of the day, fish and chips would be in order. So we sat out in the sun and gobbled down some truly delicious food. For much more of this entry, and other bits from the diary that didn't make it into the email edition, check http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/1997/09.html - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE JOKE My wife Lori wants a joke distributed to the world. So, in the interests of domestic peace and harmony, here is her joke. It works best if you know that Cuddles Avenue is the street inhabited by some large fictional yellow fruit characters and their friends in an Australian kids' TV show that is seen in many countries of the world. "Q. What do they call a thousand-millionth of a second in Cuddles Avenue? A. A bananosecond." Copyright (c) 1997 Lori Bowen. This joke is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of study, research, criticism, re-telling, review, or as otherwise permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process without written permission. Enquiries and comments should be directed to the author by email to lori@werple.net.au ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard, for all your humour needs. http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. To get your subscription moved, send a "remove" from the old address, and a "subscribe" from the new one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@custard.net.au ------- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is Copyright (c) 1997, 1998 Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. For subscription and back-issue information, send email to info@toxiccustard.com