**************************************************************************** ### # # ### ##### ## # # # ## ## # # ### ##### ## ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### # # # # # # # # # ## # #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # ## ## ## ### # # # # # ### ____________________________________________________________________________ # # ### #### # # #### # # ### #### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### ### ##### # # #### ##### # # ##### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### # # # # #### # # ### # # # ##### ##### #### *******NUMBERS 301 TO 305*****************************BY DANIEL BOWEN******* *****Please note, some of the quoted addresses within this file may no***** ***longer be correct. Please always use tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for enquiries*** "Very Short Toxic Custard!" This week's Toxic Custard is a little short due to a continuing computer crisis at Custard Central. Okay, so this main part of this particular crisis is over now, but not before our beloved PC had its hard disk replaced. Which tends to be a tad disruptive. ===== ==== . . . ==== Toxic Custard Workshop Files | | | | | | http://tcwf.rucc.net.au | | | | | |== Number 301 - 24th June 1996 | ==== ===== | Written by Daniel Bowen When you go on holiday it's amazing the crap you bring back with you. Tourists are probably the only ones who grab every single brochure they can find. The locals just presume they know it all. But to the tourist everything is new, different and exciting. Of course, most of it never gets read. It comes home packed (somehow) into the suitcases, dumped into a desk tidy and thrown out a few months or years later. It's time to face facts - I'll probably never want to read that guide to What's On In Phoenix (April '96) again. We brought home enough photos and video of the Seattle Space Needle without needing to keep the brochure (complete with vouchers for the restaurant). The Washington and British Columbia ferry guide? It's goin' out! Yep, so now you know I'm showing no mercy. Then there's the stuff we actually paid for. We were determined to get an Archie McPhee rubber chicken, but I'm stuffed if I know what we're going to do with it. Fact is, we're attempting a major clear out of the spare room. Okay, so I'm willing to admit that it's quite possible that the natural state of the spare room is to be messy. But *this* messy? What would my mother say? (Yes mum, that's why it's always locked and bolted shut.) That ten year old Melways is going. Same with the old computer magazines that contain (would you believe) not a single occurance of the word "Internet" between them. Wow. They must be six, seven years old! Genuine Ancient history, folks. And as for those old library books... Ah. Hmm. Uh oh. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Last year we got a new vaccuum cleaner. The interesting thing about it is the lack of retractable cord. It's as if the designers said "right! That's it! We know everybody's sick of retractable cords that don't work. Oh sure, they whiz back away for the first few months, but then they slow down and stop, and everyone has to slowly wind them back into the cleaner. Well we're sick of that. We know we're beat. Let's make this cleaner NOT have a retractable cord." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The government had been considering the legalisation of marijuana. They rejected the idea, of course. But what if they approved it... or even more intriguing, what if they legalised heroin? Would shopping centres have "no smoking" and "no heroin" areas? Would air stewards warn not to shoot up less than ten minutes after take-off? Or maybe they wouldn't allow it at all. "Passengers are reminded that this is an intravenous drug use-free flight. Shooting up in the toilets, or modifying the fix alarm is illegal." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Have you ever worked with someone whose sense of humour is off at a tangent to everyone else's? The kind of person who thinks that Dilbert cartoon on the noticeboard is funny - not because of the cartoon itself, but the fact that it's written by someone called Scott, and there's also a guy called Scott in the office. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All the Toxic Custard you can handle - at the Web site - http://tcwf.rucc.net.au For those with FTP access, back issues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard If you've received this TCWF from a friend and would like to subscribe, just fire off a quick mail to tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu with the subject "Gimme TCWF!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia------------------------------------------- Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-------> Computer Power Education, Advance R&D Project Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Peanut-free Toxic Custard" We would like to assure all readers that Toxic Custard is completely free of all peanut products. TTTTT CCCC W W FFFF http://tcwf.rucc.net.au T Custard W W F Number 302 Toxic C W W Workshop FFFFiles 1st July 1996 T CCCC WWWWW F Written by Daniel Bowen It's getting more difficult just to go shopping. After the traumatic moment of handing over your hard-earned readies, they keep asking you questions before giving you your change back. It can be very irritating if you're in a hurry. "Do you have a Flybuys card?" "No." "Are you a shareholder?" "No." "Did you park in our carpark?" "No! In fact, I don't think the train I rode in on would fit in your carpark." "Would you like fries with that?" "What?" "Just kidding." Maybe it's to delay you so they earn can an extra 0.0003 cents in interest while they hold your money? If they do it to enough customers they'd make a fortune. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - When you go to the doctor, and he gives you a placebo, is there any way of telling? Maybe if you look at the prescription and (if you can read it) it says it's for "Placeboxil", or "Placebinon" or some such thing. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - An exercise bike has arrived in our house. It sits there in the corner of the room, just daring you to get on and burn some fat. Once you climb on and start pedalling, it lets you know how far and how fast you'd be going if you weren't going nowhere. It also lets you know how long you've been pedalling, and what woeful number of calories you've burnt off. Perhaps we need exercise bikes that more realistically simulate an afternoon ride. Some kind of fan system that blows strong wind into your face, no matter which direction you're going. An attached quadrophonic sound system to simulate a bunch of no-penises in a souped-up Commodore accelerating past you with the radio up full blast. A sprinkler system to spray you with rain water. No, what it really needs is a better way of telling you how much you've burnt off. Instead of measuring it in calories or kilojoules, how about in terms of chocolate? "You have ridden for three hours and burnt off 4.2 squares of chocolate." That'd keep people pedalling. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Suggestions last week that gun owners should undergo a mental check before they receive a license. Hmmm.... "I'd like a gun license please." "Why?" "I wanna kill people. Oh, damn." "Reject. Next!" "I'd like a gun license please." "Do you ever get an erection thinking about firing a machine gun?" "ooooh .... ooh yeah." "Reject. Next!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DANIEL'S GUIDE TO THE OFFICE WATER COOLER Some people where I work seem to get intimidated by the water cooler. It's one of those ones where if you're not careful when you're refilling it you'll get yourself soaked. It takes practice to get it done without spilling any water, which explains why the carpet around the cooler is so soggy. But there is a foolproof method: 1. Make sure nobody else is around to see you spill water all over yourself if you screw it up (or, if you're feeling really confident, make sure there are lots of people around so you can prove to everyone what an incredible super-human being you are.) 2. Take the empty bottle off the cooler and fling it into the pile of other empty bottles over in the corner, blocking the fire exit. 3. Summon all your strength and H-E-A-V-E the new bottle over near to the water cooler. If some brainiac has placed the bottles a distance from the cooler and you're not feeling particularly energetic, consider using a chair on castors to transport it, as an alternative to a hernia. 4. With the speed of a water-cooler-changer pro, whip the little plastic cover off the new bottle and despatch it binwards. 5. Carefully lift the bottle towards the cooler. This is the critical bit. Do this right, and you'll win the next office Nobel Peace Prize. Get it wrong and you'll have soggy feet. 6. Tilt the bottle towards the cooler and start to pour the water into the top. But not for too long, or you'll be left standing with an empty bottle and a discomforting wet feeling. Keep tilting the bottle onto the cooler until it's upright in its normal resting place. How did you rate? - All in the cooler, others watching in awe - 100 points - All in the cooler, someone else watching - 90 points - All the water in the cooler - 80 points - A little water on the wall, rest in the cooler - 60 points - Some water on you, but most in the cooler - 45 points - Carpet pretty damp but some water got in the cooler - 25 points - Water everywhere but in the cooler - 15 points - Pulled a muscle getting the refill - 10 points - Accidentally used pot plant instead of water bottle - 5 points - Chickened out - 0 points ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you haven't yet read the Toxic Custard Shakespeare then what are you waiting for?! Get over to the TCWF Web site for all the Toxic Custard you can eat - http://tcwf.rucc.net.au For those with FTP access, back issues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard For subscription requests, changes, removals, comments, insults, suggestions, drop us a line at tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia-----Land of a thousand Neighbours episodes Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-------> Computer Power Education, Advance R&D Project Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu Toxic Custard. Salmonella free since 1994.----------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Chocolate chip Toxic Custard" ***** *** | | *** | | | | | | __ __ http://tcwf.rucc.net.au |oxic|ustard| | |orkshop|**iles _/ /\ _/ Number 303, 7th July 1996 | *** ***** | _\ \/ _\ Written by Daniel Bowen The banks appear to be redesigning their branch layouts. They're following the trend of having less security around everybody except the tellers... as if having screwed you out of bank fees and made enormous profits, they can say "well, if a bank robbery happens, we're all in this together. We won't all hide behind thick metal screens armed with bazookas, because *we're your friends*." Yep, and in the staff handbook it probably says in the small print "use customers as human shields". But it does mean (I'm sure they'd claim) that they can give you better service, by having enquiries people hovering around, reminding you of the date while you fill in deposit slips. And so they can refill the leaflet racks faster. Of course, the pens still don't work and there's still only three tellers on at lunchtime. Actually, it can only be a matter of time before McDonalds and a major bank merges. Both get huge patronage at lunchtime. How far away can technology be from developing a combined ATM/Maccas vending machine? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Our biscuit jar at work has made a transition. Until recently, the biscuits in it were horrible. The revoltingly dry mushy flavourless muck that nobody likes. Somewhere in the kitchen was a secret stash reserved only for visiting executives. On occasion by a freak of nature or at the whim of a merciful deity, edible biscuits would arrive in the jar. Should the unthinkable happen and actual chocolate biscuits materialise, word would spread fast through the office. "Chocolate biscuits!", people would whisper excitedly to their colleagues, and the rush to the kitchen would grow to a stampede as everybody stormed in to get their share. But something weird and wonderful has happened. Arnott, the God of biscuits, has decided we are worthy of better things. Every morning, unseen by the masses, the jar is refilled with yummy, delicious biscuits. Chocolate chip, Kingston, Scotch Finger, Teddy Bear... all the greats. Okay, so there's usually only a few duds left by mid-afternoon, but until then we are blessed. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ARGRGGHH! Less than six months until Christmas! The hardest thing about shopping for Christmas or birthdays is trying to find something that you think the recipient won't just fling in the bin on Boxing Day. I mean, some presents are complete crud. Do people really expect you to keep forever all the junk they give you? We're still cleaning out our spare room (last weekend we spotted some of the carpet, so I think we're on the right track), and it's amazing the crap that we're turning up. No, I'm not going to name any of it just in case the relevant relatives are reading. Suffice to say that if you kept every little knick knack that everyone gave you, there'd be no room for the *good* stuff. It's unfortunate that there's this thing in the world called etiquette. It basically means that you can't refuse a gift, no matter how revolting it is. Each and every object has to be accepted as if the gift giver had slaved away for weeks on it (instead of paying a pittance in a shop, for someone in a factory far far away to slave away for weeks on it). But eventually you have to clean them out. I used to keep all the trinkets in one box, one of those boxes that never got opened between moving houses. And *when I find that box again*, it'll be the first to go. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - There's a very strange design in many video games. Particularly the "pilot your spaceship through the void of whatsername and destroy the evil thingummyjig" scenarios. It's the concept of powerups. The idea that blowing something else up will magically give you more power. Back in the olden days, there was Scramble. Ah, a classic among video games. In this one, when you were running out of fuel, you could drop bombs on fuel tanks (that the enemy had mysteriously left lying all over the place) and miraculously, your fuel tanks would refill! In many games since (the very fun Terminal Veloc... ahem, Fury3 springs to mind) you'll be flying along, blow something up, and you get the desperately realistic situation of a giant logo appearing in front of you, which you fly over and magically get more power to your ship. Incredible! If only the racing car industry could perfect something like this. Instead of all that messing around in the pits, they could just drive past at full speed, fire a guided missile that blew up a fuel tank, and no need to stop to refuel! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New on the Toxic Custard web site this week - just in time for the Australian broadcast of the Doctor Who movie (nice production and special effects, shame about the story), it's the TCWF version - Doctor Who "Revenge of the Unrealistatrons"! Now showing at http://tcwf.rucc.net.au (loads of mirrors) For those with FTP access, back issues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard For subscription requests, changes, removals, comments, insults, suggestions, drop us a line at tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia------------Don't fool yourself, weeds kill Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-------> Computer Power Education, Advance R&D Project Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu Toxic Custard. Salmonella free since 1994.----------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Herculean Toxic Custard" toxic custard --+-- / \ / +--- number 304, 15th July 1996 workshop files | < \ / |-- by daniel bowen --------------------| \ \/\/ |----------http://tcwf.rucc.net.au I love those graphics the video companies put on the start of tapes. They must be very carefully designed - they have the right mix of music and vision to give a number of messages. - they have to look cool - generally with impressively moving animations of the corporate logo so fans of computer graphics like me are suitably impressed and convinced it wasn't done on someone's Amiga in the spare room - they have to sound impressive - a fully orchestrated stereo and/or surround-sound soundtrack is in order, even if only a few seconds long, they don't just leave it to somebody's nephew with his new electronic organ - they have to be dramatic - in the event that the movie is a drama or action/violence or horror film, whoever's watching can't be thrown off guard by a jolly happy tune and Mickey Mouse dancing across screen - but not too threatening - because it might be the latest kids sensation or a light-hearted comedy And naturally the bottom line is - they can't be too great - otherwise the actual show will look dull in comparison. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - We found out that our local newsagent's name is Hercules. Just as well, given how bulky the Saturday papers are. Speaking of Hercules, have you clocked that show about Hercules? I haven't actually watched it - I think I can tell how awful it is just from watching the commercials. Okay, so historical (or mythological) accuracy probably isn't their strong point. But when you can spot a really really big planet-sized historical innaccuracy just from watching the promo, you know something's going to be wrong. We'll leave aside for a moment the fact that all the characters were speaking English, with American accents. It's a fact of life that subtitles are just not fashionable with the commercial TV stations. In fact, they're not fashionable with anybody except SBS. And so the programme makers tend to make everybody speak English no matter where the show is set. Sometimes they make a token effort to make it a, say, German accent if the character is German. It's no more realistic, but at least you can get into the mood of the character not being a native English speaker. So we won't talk about language. (As an aside, in non-English-speaking countries, do the shows set in English-speaking countries have the English-speaking characters speaking languages other than English even though they're supposedly English-speaking? Yes? Fair enough.) The promo in question, no doubt to tie-in with the Olympic Games, purported to be the story of the original Olympic Games. And Hercules is there, hanging out with the athletes, playing with each others' javelins etc. Of course an eagle-eyed viewer such as myself noticed immediately that all the athletes had their clothes on. Maybe it's not entirely true, but popular belief would have it that the ancient Olympians performed without their dacks on. Okay, so this is a family show, but there are ways and means, most of them involving filming from the waist up, and the rest involving filming from the knee down. Come to think of it... I won't claim to know much about the legend of Hercules - if he is ever meant to have attended the Games - or if he even lived in the right century. Probably not. I get the feeling that the script writers of this show probably found themselves throwing in anything they could think of from Ancient Greece. "Yeah yeah, we've got Hercules... and the Olympian Games... how about we throw in Aristotle, Archimedes, Pythagorus... yeah, Hercules can rescue them from being crushed by Doric columns... and they all eat olives and hang around the Parthenon..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Writing letters to relatives can be a chore. It depends on the relative of course, but occasionally you can be stuck for something to say. "What can I mention to Aunt Netty... no, she wouldn't understand any of that... *that* would give her a heart attack... and if I mention *that* she'll be writing back to let me know her half of the family has disowned me and removed me from all their wills." And what makes it doubly difficult is when using an Aerogramme. It is a sin (in fact I think it might be the eleventh commandment) not to use all the space in an Aerogramme. You wanna write less, it's got to be a postcard or you spend the extra money on a real letter with small notepaper, so you don't have to fill it up. There is, fortunately, a backup topic that can be used in times of emergencies. Everyone knows it's only used when you run out of things to write about, but etiquette demands that this is politely ignored. That topic is the weather. Statistics by the Toxic Faculty of Correspondence indicate that 93% of Aerogrammes sent contain information about the weather. This can vary from a simple "We've had a lot of rain recently" that actually serves to spur the author on to a related, bolder, more interesting topic, to a full paragraph that contains every little detail about the amount of rain, the type of rain drops falling, comparing it to last year, other months, other cities, other countries. So when you're stuck with another fold of the Aerogramme to go, talk about the weather. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you haven't read our Dr Who parody yet, or seen the other cool stuff available on the TCWF Web site, what are you waiting for?! Oh, the URL? It's http://tcwf.rucc.net.au For those with FTP access, back issues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard For subscription requests, changes, removals, comments, insults, suggestions, drop us a line at tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia-----------Land of a thousand billion flies Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-------> Computer Power Education, Advance R&D Project Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu Toxic Custard. Nestle free since 1990---------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Toxic Custard on the move" ______ ____ ____ || || || || ||__ ||OXIC ||__USTARD ||_||_||ORKSHOP || ILES http://tcwf.rucc.net.au Number 305 - 22nd July 1996 - Written by Daniel Bowen Another office re-organisation looms at work. It means I'll sit at the fourth - or is it fifth - desk in less than two years. Even now I can see the high level managers in a boardroom somewhere with a chess board-like diagram of the building, moving pieces around, deciding which departments move to other sites. The actual move doesn't happen for another couple of weeks, but it's important that everyone knows in advance so they can worry about whether or not they'll end up sitting next to anybody with whom they have a severe personality clash. Not that there's many people who hate each others' guts on our project team. (Maybe "hate each others' guts" is too strong - let's just say "dislike each others' mannerisms"). While there are always some disagreements and stress in any group of about thirty people who are facing almost continual collective looming deadlines, nobody has, for example, felt strongly enough to code the office layout in Doom. Yet. Actually, I work with a group of incredibly skilled people, who would never dream of getting into petty squabbles. They use their vast knowledge and teamwork to continually whap deadlines squarely on the head whenever they arise. I learn from and value every hour that I work with these highly experienced professionals. (Yep, some of them will be reading this, did you guess?) There are important things to consider when Those In Charge decide who sits where. They have to look at who works with whom, who needs extra work space, and who's been working here the longest and deserves the best view from the window. As it happens, we're moving into a larger area, so everybody gets more desk space - that is, more horizontal surfaces on which to scatter papers chaotically. And just about everyone gets glorious views of St Kilda Road ahem oops, St Kilda Boulevard, which seems to be important sometimes, even if you do spend 95% of your time staring into your monitor. And most of the other 5% in meeting rooms with little or no natural light. (St Kilda Road hasn't made the big name change yet, but it'll be soon. It's all part of a bid by the government to make it sound more impressive. Does Boulevard sound more impressive than Road? Will the name change involve improving the Road itself? I suspect not, apart from new street signs.) So all looks well for when we move. There'll be the usual disruption as the mass shift of computers, books, files, office furniture and assorted other junk makes it across the building, but when it's all over we'll be in a more spacious, nicer working environment. As a workmate commented, all we'll need now is a flying fox down to the tram stop on the corner. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Why is it they never tell the truth in advertising? Like in Real Estate. You never see an ad that says "Complete dump! Squalid shoebox infested with cockroaches. Enormous potential to be razed to the ground." Last week I noticed a truck go by that said on the side "Brute Force Demolitions". I wonder if they're using truth in advertising. Maybe they have telemarketers who ring around. "Hello"? "Hello. Can we knock your house down?" "What?" "We'd like to knock your house down." "Why?" "Because we'd enjoy it. We'd really like it if we could come by with a whole bunch of big yellow trucks and bulldozers and things and really smash the crap out of your house." "Ummm.... yeah, okay. I don't like it much anyway." Or maybe they do some of those high-profile demolitions of old factories and so on, the ones you see on the news where they all implode on themselves with precision accuracy. "And now we have a representative of Brute Force Demolitions, who is going to explain how they intend to demolish the building." "Explosives, Jimmy, explosives." "I see. And are these going to be placed at strategic spots inside the structure to cause an implosion and ensure minimum damage to the surrounding buildings?" "Hell, no! We're just going to blast the crap out of it." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The TCWF guide to the top ten phrases in the local paper: - mobile phone tower - Optus cables - planning permission - council merger - local student/athlete/resident - leash-free area - xxx City Council - local bylaws - unlawful building - objections from residents ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Drop into the TCWF Web site for loads more cool stuff. The Toxic Custarpedia, Shakespeare, Dr Who, History Of The World... and more! All at http://tcwf.rucc.net.au For those with FTP access, back issues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard For subscription requests, changes, removals, comments, insults, suggestions, drop us a line at tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia----------Land of two hundred million sheep Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-------> Computer Power Education, Advance R&D Project Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ the Toxic Custard Workshop Files by Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed unmodified and without a charge provided this notice remains intact. For subscription and back-issue information, contact tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu