**************************************************************************** ### # # ### ##### ## # # # ## ## # # ### ##### ## ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### # # # # # # # # # ## # #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # ## ## ## ### # # # # # ### ____________________________________________________________________________ # # ### #### # # #### # # ### #### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### ### ##### # # #### ##### # # ##### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### # # # # #### # # ### # # # ##### ##### #### *******NUMBERS 291 TO 295*****************************BY DANIEL BOWEN******* *****Please note, some of the quoted addresses within this file may no***** ***longer be correct. Please always use tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for enquiries*** "Toxic Custard Anarchy" TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES ***** **** * * ***** Number 291 - 25th March 1996 * * * * * Written by Daniel Bowen * * * * * **** -------------------------------*----****---*-*---*------------------- I see the Sex Pistols are getting back together for another tour. I also caught something on the news about Prince Charles drumming. Or was that the same story? Is Charles joining the Sex Pistols? (Imagine Charles' cultured royal voice...) "We are an anti-Christ, We are an anarchist, Don't know what one wants, but one knows where to get it, We want to destroy passers-by..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - About a month ago the local council finally replaced our horrible grotty looking bottle and can recycle bags with nice new small bins. They came with a notice explaining what to put in them, and when to leave them out. Great - though most of our neighbours apparently haven't got the energy to figure it out. ("What, you mean the bottles go in *there* ?") Anyway, last week another bin arrived, a wheely bin similar to our regular rubbish bins, but with a distinctive red lid, and a notice saying "recyclable material only". Cool, it must be a paper recycling bin! That'll get around the problem of only monthly paper collections. (I mean... *monthly*? Who's got the space to store a month's worth of paper? It fills half the spare room! No wonder the paper recyclers want more paper!) But no notice saying precisely which recyclable material the bin would eat was with it. An inquiry to the council revealed it was ANOTHER bottle and can bin! Oh, great! Two separate bins for bottles and cans, none for paper! Another example of government efficiency. Just what we need guys, well done. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The Adventures of... F A M I L Y M A N Featuring LactatOr and the Vomitron So, now that we've mastered the art of nappy origami, did you want to know all about nappy changing? Nappy changing can be easy, or it can be difficult, depending on a large number of variables. For instance, recent studies by the University of Melbourne Faculty of Nappy Changing indicate that change times vary according to the age of the baby: Age Time Reason 0-1 months 10 mins ########## Parent doesn't know how to do it 2-3 months 7 mins ####### Parent learning 4-6 months 4-5 mins ##### Parent experienced 7- months 11 mins ########### Baby wriggles so much that two or more fully grown adults are needed to hold him down So, what's the procedure? It goes like this: 1. Prepare. Have the new nappy standing by, and sufficient moist wash cloths to cope with the old one. I'm sure even people who aren't parents will realise there could be two things in the old nappy, and anticipating how messy it's all going to be can be important. 2. Undress the lower half of the baby, with particular lookout for "blowouts". If there has been a blowout, it may be prudent to forgo your pride and announce an Official Blowout Alert to obtain assistance. (Emergency numbers in front of phone book - Police, Fire, Ambulance, Nappy Blowout.) 3. Carefully withdraw the pin and place it somewhere out of reach for the baby, but easy for you to find later. Pull the nappy off and discard, preferably aiming away from anyone's foot. If the nappy is crappy, try and wipe away as much of the crap as possible. 4. Using one or more wash cloths, clean the baby's bits thoroughly. 5. Grab hold of the new *pre-folded* nappy, and figure out which end goes where. Then place it under and around the baby, and fix up the folding so it's going to be comfortable. Just imagine how you'd feel if there was an uncomfortable tuck in your underpants that you couldn't get at. 6. Reach for the pin and *very* *very* carefully fasten the nappy. Be warned: poking a baby with a pin is now an acceptable defence for your murder by the baby's mother in most countries. If the pin won't go through easily rub it through your hair. Look, don't ask, it just works, okay?! Something to do with static electricity. 7. Replace any plastic pants, etc, that were preventing everything soaking through to the baby's clothes. Then re-dress the baby. Sounds easy, doesn't it! Now, I want you all to practice this until you can do it in below five minutes. If you don't have a baby, try it on the cat. Things to look out for: Baby waving arms around into the crappy nappy. The mid-change pee/poo. Baby wriggling so you can't put the nappy back on. Interesting places my son Isaac has been changed: My mum's livingroom carpet; Malvern station platform 2; the number 96 tram between City Road and Flinders Street; Parents' rooms at Malvern Central, Chadstone, Melbourne Central, Daimaru, etc, etc. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - With the April holiday season coming up- Whatcha mean Daniel, April isn't a holiday season Yeah well, I'm going on holiday during April, so it IS a holiday season for me, okay? Anyway, issues of Toxic Custard may be few and far between while we're in the United States (I'm not even sure if they have email over there, are they on the Net yet?) We fly out on Sunday, so just to placate you lot, there'll be a (shortish) Toxic Custard 292 on Saturday 30th March... then, I dunno, we'll see. Could be weekly, or there might be nothing again until May. Keep yourselves occupied with the Toxic Custard Web site instead. And if you *really* get bored, may I recommend Greg Bulmash's Humor Page - at http://www.earthlink.net/~gregoire (The cheque's in the mail, is it Greg?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This week's feature on the TCWF Web site is the Adventures of FamilyMan! A compilation of all the family/babyish columns is coming together. See what's there so far. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Also new(ish) on the TCWF Web site is the Toxic Custard Dictionary Of Computing! http://tcwf.rucc.net.au http://www.highway1.com.au/tcwf http://www.catt.ncsu.edu/www_projects/tcwf http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwf Backissues are available by FTP at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia-----------> But leaving (temporarily) soon Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-------> Computer Power Education, Advance R&D Project Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu Something sensible should probably go in this line down here.---------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Flight 292 to Custard" TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES Number 292 - 30th March 1996 - by Daniel Bowen ===================================================================== Our bags are packed We're almost ready to go Yep, just time for a short sharp burst of Toxic Custard before we jet off to the USA. This could be the last TCWF in a few weeks; or I might get time to fire off a quick one during the month's holiday. I don't know. Time will tell. What does this mean for me? No work for a month! Woo hoo! No thumping my computer when it makes that irritating whining noise. No having to remind my excessively hard-working colleagues that it's lunchtime. No dodging the chaotic St Kilda Road traffic. Speaking of which... you know the Melbourne Concert Hall?... (just sit there nodding at your terminals if you don't - it's really of no consequence if you do or not)... You know those traffic lights in St Kilda Road opposite the Concert Hall?... You know how when they go red that you're meant to stop?... The driver of red Commodore NJM887 doesn't know this, apparently, and demonstrated this misunderstanding of the red traffic light on Friday around 1pm, and has therefore earned this week's MORON OF THE WEEK. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Although he doesn't know it, our guest this week is The Man Who Talks Bollocks, as seen on the 72 tram last Friday morning. This guy was pretty funny. Looked normal, talked bollocks. Reminded me of that Smith & Jones sketch about The Incredible Bullshitting Man. "I'm half Indian, a quarter Irish, a quarter English, and half Scottish." - The Man Who Talks Bollocks, 22/3/96 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - There's a well-known (and generally recognised as complete crap) saying that "it's not a problem - it's an opportunity". So is an opportunity a problem? And does that make Business Opportunities (which always seem to relate to various forms of pyramid selling - or other methods of losing all your friends) into Business Problems? "Yes, I've got a business problem... I've bought into this pyramid scheme and I'm going to keep losing $3 million a week unless I CONvince all my friends to join..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "My father used to read three newspapers. The Times is printed on special paper - you can't burn it. And the ink is treated so it peels off when you read it." - The Man Who Talks Bollocks, 22/3/96 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That may be the last TCWF for a few weeks. Stay tuned. In the mean time, dig into the TCWF Web site, at http://tcwf.rucc.net.au (links to all the mirrors) For those with only FTP access, backissues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, temporarily (as of tomorrow) in Phoenix, Arizona--------------- Work: ON HOLIDAY for the entire month of April!------------------------------ Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ----------------"Would you like Mad Cow Disease with that?"------------------ "Freddy Mercury died 5 years ago, but I only found out yesterday. I've been listening to his records all this time." - The Man Who Talks Bollocks, 22/3/96 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Arizonan Toxic Custard" .-. This week from Phoenix, Arizona _ .-. | | | | _ | |_| | ,. .-. ____ _ | | | | |___ |_|| | |__ ___ _ _ | __| | || |_| | | .--' | __| | _| | | _ | | | |__ `--. .---' | | | | | |_ | |_| |_| | | .--' | | ______| |_________| |____| |_| |_| |______________| |______ Toxic Custard Workshop Files, #293 - 8th April 1996 - by Daniel Bowen Well! Here we are in America. And in between falling into canyons and getting lost in the malls, I thought I'd rattle off a little Toxic Custard. The Pacific Ocean is big. That's probably why it takes so long to get from Australia to America. Something close to hours stuck in a 747 could potentially be quite miserable, depending on a number of factors. One of the factors is "those little bastard teenagers called Richard and Oliver who have just discovered reclining seats". On every aeroplane carrying more than about a hundred people, you will find a Richard and Oliver. If you're lucky, they won't be sitting in front of you. We weren't that lucky. It gets a little like that bit in the Simpsons where Homer says "bed goes up... bed goes down... bed goes up..." and it can be particularly frustrating when they keep doing it while you're trying to eat a meal. So we took the logical course of action. We made friends with their parents, who were sitting next to us. It only took a few minutes of idle chatter (introduce the baby, that one that works every time) before "Oliver! Richard! Put those chairs up and leave them there!" The toilet of a 747 is a wondrous device. It's quite obvious that the ergonomics and user-friendliness people were away the day they designed the toilet. Otherwise why would the door be made so it *always* looks like it's engaged? Trust me, if you're on a 747 and needing a quick lavvy session, even if people are waiting, push on the door anyway. It's the only way of being sure that there's someone in there. Of course, the 747 toilet defines the term "small". Never have so many conveniences been packed into the one err... convenience. You need to be very careful not to bang your head on the paper dispenser while trying to reach for the paper cups and trying to hold onto anything vaguely handle-shaped during turbulence. If you manage to take care of your business, stand well clear when you flush. That is one WEIRD flush! A kind of super-powered vacuum slurps everything down the drain. Wouldn't surprise me if it was directly powered by the plane engines. The in-flight movie annoyed me. What annoyed me wasn't so much the fact that it was edited for airline viewing, but the fact that the airline believed that intelligent human beings with an ounce of dignity left would enjoy such crap. Thank you, United Airlines. Even if you don't want to watch the movie, you end up watching the movie. You can't avoid it. It's up there on the screen. You have to keep looking. I was amazed at my ability to comprehend the plot just by glancing at the screen every few minutes, and without the benefit of the sound. I think I have found the closest thing to chaos that you will ever see on Earth. It's called LAX. At LAX, thousands of people run around in all directions talking and shouting in hundreds of languages. And then there's the passengers. After the five mile walk from the terminal to Immigration, we got our luggage off the conveyor belt twirly thing, went through Customs, only to put everything back onto another conveyor belt to go (hopefully) to our destination, Phoenix. The bus between the international and domestic terminals was a bit like you might imagine a prison ship of the 1700s; a box stuffed with people. By some miracle we managed to get out intact at the correct terminal, with our possessions and a few people who got caught up with the mass rush out of the bus. After we found the gate and somewhere to sit, and could relax, and change the baby's nappy. (Another one for the list of interesting nappy change locations.) All in all, a reasonably good journey. Heck, we got there in one piece didn't we? And with all our luggage; that's the real miracle. And it gave me a chance to sample an entirely new and unique life experience - that of attempting to eat breakfast in an extremely confined space while watching the Golf Channel. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - America is a big place. In fact, the continental United States is about the same size as Australia. Big. We're only seeing a few bits of it on this holiday. Arizona is big and flat, except for the bits that aren't. One of those bits is the Grand Canyon. Let me tell you right now, the Grand Canyon is BIG. Very big. It's so big that I think they should consider a name change, quite possibly to the Fucking Big Canyon. Capital letters in the name, and perhaps a kind of 3D chiselled look with a quadriphonic fanfare wouldn't go astray either. In fact, the word "big" may not be adequate. Perhaps humungous would be better. We've also done a bit of horseback riding around the desert. This is a lot of fun, although the disclaimer was a bit scarey. Something about no liability no matter how many broken bones you get when your horse (and a pack of wild jackrabbits) trample you to death. But the ride itself turned out to be very relaxing. The only downside was all the bits in the nether regions that were sore later, including several bones I didn't know I had. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That's all for now. Stay tuned (probably in about two weeks) for an update from Seattle. Meanwhile, immerse yourself in the TCWF Web site, at http://tcwf.rucc.net.au (links to all the mirrors) For those with only FTP access, backissues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, temporarily in Phoenix, Arizona-------------------------------- Work: ON HOLIDAY for the entire month of April!------------------------------ Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ----------------"Would you like Mad Cow Disease with that?"------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Toxic Custard hard disk failure" I'm baaaack! So, why is this issue of Toxic Custard so late? Three main reasons: * I've been in email wilderness for the past week * When we got home we discovered our beloved PC had decided to have a hard disk controller failure (which hasn't been fixed yet) * Because. Just because. So, here's a very quick transmission. Not particularly refined or anything, since I have to send it out in my lunch hour from work. Here goes. _|_ ======= This week from =========== Seattle, Washington | | | | | Toxic Custard Workshop Files ||| Number 294, 3rd May 1996 ||| by Daniel Bowen (Okay, so this isn't strictly true, but most of what you will read below WAS written in Seattle. And besides, I didn't want to waste my ASCII Space Needle now that I'd drawn it...) The first thing you notice about Washington state is the abundance of green. Most of it is green, a contrast from Arizona, which is mostly dust. And whereas Arizona is dusty because it's dry, Washington is green because it's wet. Makes perfect sense. In fact, while in Arizona my wife's uncle had told me "Washington's really nice... if you like green". For Australians (and others) reading, it's probably worth mentioning that Washington state is completely different to Washington, DC. George Washington is obviously a very venerated person in the United States, because about half of everything is named "Washington" somethingorother. There's cities called Washington, the state called Washington, streets, suburbs, schools, buildings - everything. We've been doing a lot of the touristy-pop-culture things. We've eaten at the cafe in Twin Peaks and had a look around Snoqualmie Falls... had our pictures taken in Roslyn, where they filmed Northern Exposure... gone past the motel in An Officer And A Gentleman... seen the same view that Frasier has from his apartment window... had lunch at the restaurant from Sleepless in Seattle... checked out the bloodstains in Kurt Cobain's garage. Whoops, just kidding... I'm still getting used to the American money. Having now become accustomed to ATMs which ask me if I want my transaction in English or Spanish, once I get the money in my hand, or heaven forbid try to spend it, I have to check it all very carefully. Australian money is colour coded, for people like me who just can't be bothered looking for the numbers. US money is all green. No shades, no different sizes no distinguishing features except for the different numbers and the startingly similar different pictures on each. The other thing that sometimes still throws me is the idea of sales tax, which is added after the total is calculated. So you're expecting a nice even $1.00, and you actually get $1.08, and have to scrabble around for some extra coins. And tipping. In Australia, nobody expects a tip, and few get one, but over here the waiters and so on seem to expect an extra few dollars. Oh well, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. In the supermarkets here they have all that stuff which when imported into Australia we pay a small fortune for, if we're foolish enough to decide we want it. You know, Cherry Coke and so on. But today I found an imported jar of Vegemite, normal size (whatever that may be) for no less than US$5.95! Ah - so there is justice in the world! (And shipping costs...) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That's all for now. In fact, that's probably all until the PC is fixed - so look out for the next TCWF in about 10 daysish. Meanwhile, immerse yourself in the TCWF Web site, at http://tcwf.rucc.net.au (links to all the mirrors) For those with only FTP access, backissues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You could also do my friend Greg a favour and check out his excellent humour page, at http://www.javabooks.net/~gbhp/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia--> "We're probably further south than you" Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-------> Computer Power Education, Advance R&D Project Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The home of Toxic Custard" From Melbourne, Australia / Tox Cus W p Fi _=========/===_ i t o ks o le Number 295 - 13th May 1996 |_|_|_|_|_|_|_| c ard r h s by Daniel Bowen ---------------- oo \_____/ oo Well, it's good to be home. After four weeks away, you start to miss the niceties of home - the mess in the spare room, the vomit-coloured carpet, the washers that need replacing. But our trip to America last month was well worth it. We got to see so many interesting things, and to discover that America is just like Australia - except for the bits that aren't. The great thing about going anywhere where you have relatives is that they are almost always hospitable enough to sponge off - at least for accommodation. Usually it's a consequence of (a) them feeling guilty about how much you paid in airfares (b) them being thoroughly nice people. A lot of the time they insisted on paying the restaurant bills, too. It became sort of a game - who could snatch it off the table quicker. A few almost got ripped to shreds in the process. Actually, I was a bit alarmed that most of the friends and relatives we met were dentists, lawyers, Amway salesmen and/or Christian fundamentalists, but apart from that they were all really nice. There is, however, one family secret I should reveal to you. It's not anything to be really ASHAMED about, it's something that just happened by chance. But it is the kind of thing that if any family members go crazy, the psychiatrists will point to and say "yep, we should have seen that coming." It concerns names, and my brother-in-law's wedding. My name, as you're probably aware if you've been paying attention, is Daniel Bowen. My wife's name Lori, and she's assumed my name, making her Lori Bowen. Okay, this is where it starts to get spooky. Lori's maiden name was Boren. Boren vs Bowen. One letter difference. But what takes it out of the spooky and into the realm of the just-plain-weird is that Lori's elder brother's name is *Daniel*. Daniel Boren. Now, I hate to sound like one of those bad TV commercials, but wait! There's more! My brother-in-law Daniel Boren just got married. The wedding was timed to coincide with our presence up there in Seattle, so we could attend. And this is the bit which just makes the family tree all too confusing; the bit the shrinks will be shaking their heads over when some poor soul in the family goes off their trolley. Here I am, Daniel Bowen, with my wife Lori... at her brother, Daniel Boren's wedding. And he's getting married to a woman called Lori. Whoa! Too weird. Too odd. Cue the Twilight Zone music. What are the odds of this happening? There have just got to be greater forces at work here. This isn't natural. Mulder and Scully could be kept busy on this one for weeks. Thankfully however, Lori (that's the other Lori, not my wife Lori - that is, the wife of Daniel Boren, not Daniel Bowen) is keeping her maiden name. Oh, and Daniel Boren (not Daniel Bowen) prefers to be known as Dan, where as Daniel Bowen (not Daniel Boren) prefers to be known as Daniel. Otherwise it'd be REALLY confusing. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - If there's one thing that I noticed as different in America, it wasn't the driving on the other side of the road - it wasn't the 50 channels but nothing to watch - it wasn't the laughably quaint gun laws - it was quite definitely the plumbing. America, as a nation, seems to have decided to eradicate the humble plug. No basin, no bath that I saw had a conventional plug. They all had weird push-button plugs that work with varying degrees of effectiveness. In fact, none of them worked. They all drained water as slowly as an alcoholic with kidney failure. They have also largely done away with the conventional wash tap. But they haven't quite decided on what should replace it. Some basins have handle-type taps that turn the same way, others turn different ways for hot and cold, which once left me trying to turn the cold for over a minute when I didn't remember which way I'd turned it on. Some taps have a joystick. Others (particularly public toilets) have push buttons with a timer so they run for a few seconds after you let go. Some have really really stupid push buttons which run *only* when you have them pressed down, making it impossible to wash both your hands at once. And if you only had one arm, you'd probably need to bother someone into running the tap for you. Not a good look. "Hey man, can you reach over and hold this down?" "Get away from me, you pervert." I suppose you're expecting me to talk about the corolois effect (or however the heck it's spelt), and how the water goes down the toilet in a particular way in particular hemispheres? Okay. In Phoenix I clearly observed the water going down the toilet ANTI-CLOCKWISE. Now that I'm back in Melbourne, I will just go to the toilet and flush and observe. Okay, it went down clockwise. Is this always the case? Is it caused by the way the Earth spins? Or is it just a theory designed to keep the kids interested in science? Perhaps we'll never know. I must have a quick rant about toilet cubicles. Some, for instance the McDonalds near the south rim of the Grand Canyon, have cubicles with apparently strategically placed gaps in the doorways so anybody and everybody can see what's going on while you attempt to take care of business! Very off-putting, I'm telling you! I ended up holding it, and taking care of business at the Canyon. (No, not *into* the Canyon - Oh heck, you know what I mean.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ More on America next week. Meanwhile, the TCWF Web site is available to do with what you will. http://tcwf.rucc.net.au (links to all the mirrors) For those with only FTP access, backissues are at ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be distributed complete without a charge provided no modifications are made. Excerpts by permission please. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia--> "We're probably further south than you" Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-------> Computer Power Education, Advance R&D Project Play: dbowen@rucc.net.au / dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu----TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu My comb isn't really working. It's just not up to the job. I need a comb with *teeth*. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ the Toxic Custard Workshop Files by Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Copyright (c) 1996 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed unmodified and without a charge provided this notice remains intact. For subscription and back-issue information, contact tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu