**************************************************************************** ### # # ### ##### ## # # # ## ## # # ### ##### ## ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### # # # # # # # # # ## # #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # ## ## ## ### # # # # # ### ____________________________________________________________________________ # # ### #### # # #### # # ### #### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### ### ##### # # #### ##### # # ##### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### # # # # #### # # ### # # # ##### ##### #### *******NUMBERS 251 TO 255*****************************BY DANIEL BOWEN******* *****Please note, some of the quoted addresses within this file may no***** ***longer be correct. Please always use tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for enquiries*** "Padded Toxic Custard" ___ ____ |__ / | | |___ Number 251 | o x i c | u s t a r d | | | o r k s h o p | i l e s 29/5/95 \___ \___ \_/ \_/ | by DB The winter has arrived in Australia. Well, okay, so those of you in the northern states probably haven't even noticed. But we down here in Melbourne certainly have, I can tell you. I'm glad I've already had my winter haircut. If I have a haircut after it starts to get cold, for the first few days afterwards my ears are liable to freeze off. Not that it gets terribly cold. It's not the icy bitterly cold thirty-below-zero freeze-your-balls-off Abominable Snowman weather they get in parts of the northern hemisphere. It doesn't even snow. Well, not in the cities, anyway. It's the kind of wimpy winter weather that gives Australia its reputation for having a warm climate. I'm a parent now, so I'm obligated to start making stories up about walking to school in the dark to tell my son. It's a shame I can't think of any. I do remember some kind of social group we formed that involved meeting everybody in the same carriage of the same train every morning, but that doesn't have a suitable amount of suffering. I can't even make out that I had to walk six miles through the snow dressed in an old potato sack. Maybe I'll just have to lie. Last week I was reminded of some of the other aspects of my childhood. We once lived in a block of flats where one of the neighbours would use stale wafer biscuits to bribe all the kids to go play somewhere else. But what I really remember was the spy clubs. After I'd got hold of every Usborne book that involved detectives, codes, invisible ink and schoolyard espionage, there was a phase of trying to recruit my fellow classmates for spy rings. It never worked of course. The walkie talkies always broke down, there was nothing *that* important that it had to be sent in code, and every thing we tried to give our agents numbers like in Get Smart everyone wanted to be 007. This went so far that when I got a new desk for my bedroom I carefully placed it so as not to have my back to the window. Imagine, ten years old and I thought I was head of ASIO. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - We face possibly the biggest challenge of the year in the coming week. Forget moving house. Forget the baby's arrival. We have to tidy the desk. A new computer is coming. Yep, a multimedia Pentium system, which should be state of the art for at least 15 minutes. It's been a good 10 years since I actually bought a *new* computer on the cutting edge of technology. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to wipe out my savings with one purchase. Why is it that whenever you're carrying a large amount of money, or an important document, you keep imagining that it's crawling out of your pocket? You feel obligated to reach in and push it further down into the pocket - thereby risking accidentally pulling it *out* as your hand comes out again. You can't win. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My mother is a pauser. On the phone to her, those moments of silence which at a party would spell instant death are commonplace. But you can tell I work in computers; all I can think about is the wasted bandwidth. An open line, between her place and mine. Broadcasting static. What a waste. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 45. Kind of short this week. 1959 AD Fidel Castro takes over in Cuba, promising the people all the cigars they can handle. Critics say it will never last. Communist China occupies Tibet; the Dalai Lama flees to India, to avoid political and religious persecution, Yum Cha, rice, MSG and those damned awkward chopsticks. 1961 Yuri Gagarin of the USSR becomes the first man to experience weightless urinating, when he makes the first flight into space. "Comrades, I need help, the piss has gone everywhere!" And now I'm in real trouble. The book I've been stealing err adapting this history from runs out in 1961. I could just make up the rest from memory, but instead I'll wait a week, and dig out a book that will cover the rest. Or maybe I could try to remember that Billy Joel song. How does it go? "We didn't start the fire..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most Toxic Custard back-issues are available at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard and I promise that Real Soon Now the Web site will be revamped. In the meantime, check out: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwfhtml2/main.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. The world's most farcical city--------- Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---------> Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu-----> TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu---------------- All the opinions here are guess whose.... Mine, that's right!-------------- ART There is a fine line between art and crap. Crap is something created by a complete crackpot that everyone recognises as rubbish and refuses to pay for. Art is something created by a complete crackpot that at least one person thinks is great and is willing to pay large sums of money for. Often it's someone else's money - generally the taxpayers'. CLAY Malleable substance which 98% of people lose all interest in after they leave primary school. PADDING Material inserted at the last minute into a work of art because otherwise someone would notice that it is shorter than most weeks. Most padding is ill-prepared and of the sort of quality that would be overpriced in the $2 Shops. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "New from the Toxic Custard Institute" -----\ /----- -----\ Toxic Custard Workshop Files /----/ \----\ /----/ Number 252 - 5th June 1995 \----- -----/ \----- written by Daniel Bowen Why are cosmetic ads so bad? Okay, so I'm not really in the cosmetic manufacturers' target market. But even if I was, why would I be convinced by the adverts they use? Why is it every new product is an "amazing breakthrough from Ponds"? Haven't we heard of face-cleansers before? And they're not developed by mad scientists skulking away in a dingy laboratory, no... they're developed at the Ponds Institute, a research centre with very good lighting, and sharing, caring researchers all with PHDs in skin-care. Uh huh. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It's strange the useless information that floats around in the brain, remaining there even though it (a) hasn't been used for years, and (b) is entirely useless anyway. For instance, floating around in my brain, weaving its way in and out and around the first seventy-five digits of pi (don't ask), is the fact that the average person, on average, averagely blinks every six seconds. This fact probably isn't actually correct. I don't know. I don't know where it came from, who verified it, who did the research. Could have been the Ponds Institute, I don't know. I just know this: that every time I think that average people blink every six seconds, I try to check my own blinking to make sure it's every six seconds. And it never works. I end up blinking much faster. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Why do some sinks in toilets have two separate taps that come out on different sides of the sink? So to wash your hands, you either have to freeze them, burn them, or move them rapidly between taps, resulting in what is very much a half-burnt, half-frozen hands situation. One could, of course, find the plug, run some water, etc, etc, but by the time you'd finished all that it would be time to go to the toilet again. Someone will be onto a winner the moment they invent a Warm tap. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 46. Nearly done. 1961 AD (continued) The USSR builds the Berlin Wall - destined to be almost the only thing constructed in the Eastern Bloc not to fall apart during the warranty period. 1961-75 Vietnam, the forgotten war, hots up when US troops move in. Following this, the... umm... followed by... err... I forgot. 1962 When Cuban leader Fidel Castro takes delivery of a batch of Soviet lighters, the Cuban Cigar Crisis ensues. Eventually the Soviets back down, when President John F Kennedy points out that there is a regional No Smoking policy. 1963 John F Kennedy is assassinated in Dallas, Texas, by tobacco-loving aliens hiding in the Texas Book Suppository. The Suppository is later found to be a UFO. The aliens, who smoke pipes, cigars and cigarettes from nine of their thirteen mouths, all eventually die of cancers in each of their five lungs. 1964 Beatlemania sweeps the world. Shortly afterwards, electronics companies devise a fifty year plan to get people to buy all their favourite music many times over, by introducing new recorded music technology every decade. This works until the 1990s, when, due to a tactical miscalculation, everyone is perfectly happy with their CDs. 1969 Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin land on the moon. NASA had received large amounts of sponsorship for the mission, much of it from the International Cheese Conglomerate. The ICC, who had hoped to purchase mining rights, demanded their money back. 1972 The Watergate controversy strikes the White House, causing every government scandal afterwards to be dubbed by the press as being (something)-Gate. 1975 Whitlamgate strikes the sleepy little village of Canberra, when Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam is sacked. Rumours abound about CIA involvement, but ultimately the culprit is found to be The Fine Print in the Constitution. The Fine Print is immediately placed under detention for questioning. 1980 Lennon shot. 1981 Sadat shot. Pope shot. Reagan shot. But luckily the bullet hits him in the head, totally missing his brain. Bit of a deadly time, the early-80s. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most Toxic Custard back-issues are available at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard and I promise that Real Soon Now the Web site will be revamped. In the meantime, check out: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwfhtml2/main.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. A dingo took my bandicoot!------------- Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---------> Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu-----> TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu---------------- All the opinions here are mine alone. I thought of them myself------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Videoing Toxic Custard" ++++++ +++++ ++ ++ ++++++ TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES ++ ++ ++ + ++ ++ Number 253, 12th June 1995 ++ ++ +++++++ +++++ written by Daniel Bowen --++---+++++---++-++---++------------------------------------------- You're cold, tired, hungry? Want to eat but don't want to keep it down? Then why not try new CHICKEN SHIT SOUP? So incredibly foul, there'll always be a can left in your cupboard. New Chicken Shit Soup comes in two varieties, Lumpy or Smooth, so you'll never get tired of it. Try it today! --From Toxic Foods Ltd - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It's time to admit that I too many video tapes. Far too many. So many, in fact, that it's too much of an effort to count them so I can tell you how many there are. It's... it's... somewhere around the region of... um... 300. Yes, three hundred. Look, I don't know how it happened, okay? They bred! The bloody things have been appearing from nowhere for years now. Fact is, I've now got so many tapes that I can't possibly hope to watch them all before I die. Let alone finish my perennial project of cataloguing them. Thank Christ I'm not buying any more, but reusing them. Otherwise there would come a time when we'd have to move into a bigger house purely to fit all the videos. Either that or evict the cat. As it is the videos have their own bookshelf. Which they don't fit into. But it's okay, it's getting under control. I've been going to my regular VAA meetings. Video Addicts' Anonymous. "Hi, I'm Daniel, and I'm a Video Addict. I last bought a blank video tape in November 1994." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Baby's diary. Woke up. I was hungry, so I asked for my food. The foolish parents ignored this, going to the trouble of changing my perfectly good pants. And I'd just made them nice and wet, too! They wouldn't stop changing me, no matter how much I complained. They change me *before* giving me my food. The nerve! I demanded to see someone in Customer Service, but to no avail. Anyway, it was night, so after I finally ate, I decided to stay awake for a little while. They wanted me to go to sleep, but that would have interrupted my study of the ceiling. I kept asking them how old the light fittings were, but they wouldn't answer. As soon as I get to talk to a supervisor, I'm having these parents exchanged for new ones. They just don't seem to understand me. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 47. The last one. Almost. 1981 AD Charles & Diana tie the knot in a fairytale wedding that eventually has an unhappy ending. Analysts have said that the major problem with their marriage is that Charles has never declared that he would like to be one of Diana's tampons. 1982 Argentina decides they would like the Falkland Islands back. The Brits see a slight problem with this, and send in several squadrons of football hooligans. They soon have the Argentine forces subdued. 1984 South Korea refuses to recognise UN Resolution 246, to abolish Beta video tapes by the year 2000. 1986 The Space Shuttle Challenger takes on the challenge of a faulty O-ring sealant, and loses, providing the playgrounds of the world with Space Shuttle jokes for several weeks afterwards. Near Kiev, the now infamous power plant Chernobyl goes belly-up. The Soviet administration denies that there is any problem, saying that the plant will last longer than even the Berlin Wall. The story is later told of how just two weeks before the disaster, a repairman was called in for some routine maintenance. But when shown the problem, he said "What plutonium cooling tanks? This time of year? Tssssshhh. No way guv - at least six weeks for them to come in, we're completely out." 1989 The Berlin wall comes down after 28 years, when it is discovered that the Soviets had built it without getting planning permission. Actually, I never understood the emphasis on the Berlin Wall, when there are hundreds of miles of other bits of border between East and West Germany. 1990 Nelson Mandela is released from prison. He is elected in 1994 to be South Africa's first post-Apartheid president. With both the Soviet empire and South African Apartheid policies gone, the West had to find some new bad guys for the next Lethal Weapon movie. Enter Saddam Hussein and the Bosnian Serbs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most Toxic Custard back-issues are available at: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard and I promise that Real Soon Now the Web site will be revamped. In the meantime, check out: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwfhtml2/main.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Daniel Bowen is dressed by himself When in Melbourne, we prefer to stay At Home And exclusively eat Food Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Emus are my friends-------------------- Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au---------> Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu-----> TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu---------------- All the opinions here are mine alone. At least, that's what I've been told. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "F'n Toxic Custard" WARNING: FOR THOSE EASILY OFFENDED, THERE ARE THREE OCCURRENCES OF THE WORD "FUCKING" IN THE FOLLOWING TEXT. OOPS, MAKE THAT FOUR. ========> //=====> // // //====> // o x i c // u s t a r d // // o r k s h o p // i l e s // // // // // // //N u m b e r//=====> 2 5 4 //====//1 9 t h J u n e// 1 9 9 5 Hello, and welcome to the two hundred and fifty-fourth Toxic Custard. Bet you've been waiting quite a long time for this one, eh? I know I have. The thing that's been on everybody's lips this week has been the decision of the French government to resume nuclear bomb testing in the South-Pacific. Reaction has been swift, with at least one group starting up firebomb testing at the French embassy in Perth. We here at Toxic Custard were very keen to find out exactly what was going on. Since our flagship, the MV Toxic Custard went out of commission quite a while ago, we're probably not at risk from the French Secret Service, so we gave a high-up member of the French military a call on the phone. TCWF: Hello, is this General Commander Francois le Bomb? LE BOMB: 'Allo yes. TCWF: We were wondering if you had any comment about why more nuclear tests are necessary? LE BOMB: It is important for us to maintain our deterrent. TCWF: You must be fucking joking! LE BOMB: What? TCWF: Deterrent?! Against who, may I ask? What year do you think it is, 1962? Have we gone through a timewarp? Is the Cuban Missile Crisis looming? This is 1995 mate. The Soviet empire has collapsed, the Russians are fighting amongst themselves, so who do you think this deterrent is going to protect you against? Are you trying to prepare for your next lorry drivers' dispute? Trying to protect yourself from invading forces massed across the border in Luxembourg? What a joke. LE BOMB: I... err... TCWF: C'mon, out with it. Just who could you possibly affect by reintroducing nuclear testing? LE BOMB: Greenpeace. TCWF: Oh. Well, what about suggestions that you test your bombs back in France. In Paris, Lyon or Cannes? LE BOMB: You must be fucking joking! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD Part 48. The last one. For now. 1991-3 Three years of turmoil for Russia, as Gorbachev is kicked out of office for not having paid the rent, the Soviet Union ceases to be. It expires. It passes on. It is no more. It is an ex-Union, etc, etc, fucking snuffed it, and so on. Boris Yeltsin takes over, and holds an extended drinking competition, which runs until 1993 when conservatives claim Yeltsin spiked the Vodka with water. Yeltsin retaliates by shelling the parliament building, and the conservatives surrender. 1991 What begins as an Iraqi invasion into Kuwait develops into the most significant war in the Middle East - the war between CNN and NBC. It becomes a war of technology, of the green night camera lens versus the live satellite link to Baghdad versus the camera mounted in the missile head. 1991-2027 Anarchy breaks out in the former Yugoslavia, after the Bosnians claim the Serbs borrowed the lawnmower. The Croats demand that the Serbs and Bosnians turn down the music after 10pm. After that it all gets far too confusing for the average man in the street, as wave after wave of factions split up the country. 1992 Bill Clinton is elected among promises of a new era, reform and saxophones. In fact, Clinton is said to have quite a lively sax life. 1995 France announces the decision to resume nuclear testing, for three primary reasons: * because the French military believes that detonating nuclear bombs on a remote Pacific island somehow helps them defend themselves from an enemy that doesn't exist * to keep Greenpeace busy * to ensure the success of a future operation involving dropping nuclear missiles on the Bosnian Serb leaders' haircuts. And that's the history of the world completed. A complete version will be posted soon on the usual FTP and WWW sites. Watch this space for details. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HEY WEBSTERS! (Sounds like a bad '80s comedy show). The Toxic Custard Web site has finally been revamped! Please update your URLs to: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwf/ToxicCustard.html If you prefer FTP, then try ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Emus are my friends---------------------- Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-----------> Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu / danielbowen@msn.com---TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu All the opinions here are mine alone. At least, that's what I've been told. PS. Do not despair, the comic possibilities of the name of UN spokesman in Bosnia, Gary Coward, have not been overlooked. PPS. I'd start a French food boycott, but croissants are too yummy. I will, however, happily boycott snails, frogs legs and Evian. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Computerised Toxic Custard" ******* ***** * * ***** Short form: tcwf 2^8-1 26/6/95 by db | | | | |__ |OXIC|USTARD| | |ORKSHOP|ILES Number 255 26th June 1995 | ***** ***** * Written by Daniel Bowen If you wondered, the baby's doing well. Little Isaac is settling pretty nicely into his new life. Six weeks old and he knows exactly how to get food and a cuddle: Make noise. I haven't got the heart to tell him it doesn't work like that throughout life. He's growing well, though his hair still looks like a combination of Lyle Lovett and the Lenigrad Cowboys. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - During research for the French nuclear test thing last week I looked in the atlas for Mururoa Atoll, where the tests will take place. Maybe the atlas writers knew the French were going to blow it off the face of the planet? The French Government continue to refuse to reconsider on the tests. It's about time our government here in Australia got serious about retaliation. Foreign Minister Gareth Evans has asked nicely, and is now talking about a few sanctions and recalling the ambassador for consultations. Gareth, you gutless wonder! Stop poncing about! Declare war! That'll catch 'em on the hop. No, really. We'll send a couple of secret agents into a French port and get them to blow up a peaceful French ship. Then when they get caught, we'll use diplomatic juggling to bring them back here to a heroes' welcome. Well why not, it worked for them. (God knows how...) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Over the past couple of years, Toxic Custard has embarked on a number of large projects, including the Toxic Custarpedia and the Toxic History of the World. This is basically because sometimes I sit down at the keyboard and have no idea what I'm going to write next. Like tonight. By running a theme, it takes a running leap over that awkward first step of writing an issue of Toxic Custard. With the history now finished, I'm stuck again. So, a request to you, dear readers. Give me topics. If you'd like me to talk about something in particular, drop me a line at tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu You might not get feedback, I might never talk about the topics you send me, or if I do it might be limited to a handful of words. But please try - it might just get me out of hot water someday. In the meantime, I've just thought of something to keep me occupied for a while... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD COMPUTER GLOSSARY PART 1 of a probably occasional series A4 The size of paper the printer is actually loaded with. Compare with "Letter", the size of paper that the twerp ahead of you in the print queue has tried to print with. This is why the printer has stopped and is patiently waiting for a load of Letter paper in the second tray. This usually occurs when attempting to print out a vital report that should have been on the boss's desk ten minutes ago. ACOUSTIC COUPLER An example of technology which was just getting obsolete a decade ago, and which would be laughed at in the streets if seen nowadays. ANALOGUE (or ANALOG) The opposite of digital, now becoming a synonym for obsolete in the fields of watches, mobile phones, music media, etc., etc. ANALYSIS The bane of programmers, an activity which almost always means there will be properly defined specifications, documentation and other such superfluous amounts of paper, before any actual code is written. APPLE One of the first computer companies to fall prey to former car company advertising executives. How else would you explain them trying to flog us a computer called the "Performa"? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - There was a time in my life when I used to use the 7-11 regularly. It's now a distant memory of days when I was so much less organised. Those days when I nearly always forgot to get *something* from the supermarket while it was open. Of course, now the supermarkets are all open until at least midnight, so it's almost impossible to do. Which means the 7-11 hardly gets a look in. But the 7-11 is a special place. No matter where you go, they all look the same. Better lit than a late-night tram, the pie and hot-dog dispensers in the corner, and huge rows of fridges down the back, resembling cryogenic freeze chambers in sci-fi films. And somehow in less shelf-space than your average shoebox, they manage to fit all the essentials of modern life. Batteries, tampons, condoms, party hats, candles, pet food... and of course more varieties of junk food than you'd find in all the vending machines at Flinders Street Station. And let's not forget the Slurpee machines. It's nice to know that some scientists, somewhere, taking time off from curing diseases and solving world hunger, managed to develop a machine for self-service icy cold flavoured-gunk drinks. 7-11 prices aren't ideal of course. For a start there's the "We're always open" surcharge. Then there's the "you know we'll have it even if no-one else does" surcharge. Maybe they ought to give us a discount for having to step carefully over all the scruffy kids with bicycles who always seem to be hanging around outside. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The New Improved Toxic Custard Web Site (with only a few dozen mistakes in it) is at: http://www.forthnet.gr/humour/tcwf/ToxicCustard.html If you prefer to grab your antique TCWF by FTP: ftp://ftp.funet.fi/pub/doc/humour/ToxicCustard ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided no modifications are made. -- Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Toast a Tasmanian Tiger Today.----------- Work: dbowen@cpe.com.au-----------> Computer Power Education, ITS R&D Project Play: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu / danielbowen@msn.com---TCWF: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu ^^^All of these opinions here^^^ Mine. Mine. Mine. And only mine.----------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ the Toxic Custard Workshop Files by Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia Copyright (c) 1995 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed without profit provided this notice remains intact. For subscription and back-issue information, contact tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu