Canada

Actually, we didn't spend all of our holiday in America - we got to nip into Canada for a couple of days too, on the pretence of going to see Vancouver, but it was mostly so I could get another stamp in my passport.

Crossing the border was a bit intimidating actually. Because my wife and son have dual nationality, I was the only Australian in a car full of Americans. They didn't even have to show any ID - I was the one who had to get out for a grilling at immigration.

At first I thought they'd be really friendly. I spotted the picture of Her Maj Queen Liz on the wall and thought they just wanted to say hello and welcome to a fellow Commonwealth person, and compare notes on socialised medicine. Turned out to be a quick quiz about where we were going, how long for, just a short conversation to see if I'd suddenly break down and shout "Oh stop playing games! You know all about it! You know about the mysterious white powder in the lining in the suitcase... you know about the huge amounts of currency... you know about the false passport in the name of Gonzo McGillycuddy."

Just as well I wasn't really concealing anything other than that I really needed to go to the toilet. But it still made me a bit nervous - knowing that a cough at the wrong time could result in some customs guy ramming a rubber-gloved hand up my arse for a rummage around.

In the end they were just friendly and business-like, and I got my precious passport stamp. Driving on into Canada, things began to look more familiar, as the miles turned into kilometres. The money was different colours... they had $1 and $2 coins... but there was still the confusion of VAT and tips.

Vancouver was great. We spent hours tramping around, including far too much time spent trying to figure out how the Steam Powered Clock worked.

The SkyTrain was neat. Did it worry me putting my life in the hands of a computer controlled train? Umm... maybe just a bit. But then, I work in the computer industry, so I know exactly how bug-ridden software can be. Besides which, I use the lifts at work every day. Nothing can be scarier than them.

If you're ever in Vancouver, you must, repeat MUST eat at the Macaroni Grill. I can't remember the address, just keep walking until you find it. You can't miss it; it's in a mansion. Don't be put off this, it's not as expensive as it looks. Once you have experienced the joys of the VinoMeter and drawing all over your table, you'll never want to eat anywhere else.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, depending on your point of view) it turns out the Macaroni Grill is a CHAIN! And I thought it was a unique dining experience. Now I don't feel so guilty at having stolen the VinoMeter.

No metric

The plumbing

Toxic Custard Hits The States