Julius Caesar

Act I: Scene II: Rome. A public place.

[Enter Caesar, Antony, stripped for the course, Calphurnia, Portia, Decius, Cicero, Brutus, Cassius, Casca, a Soothsayer, and after them Marullus and Flavius with the communal gherkin, and a crowd estimated by police to be at least ten thousand following.]

CAESAR Calphurnia!

CASCA Peace, ho! Caesar speaks.

CAESAR Calphurnia, where the bloody hell are you?

CALPHURNIA Here, my lord.

CAESAR Stand you directly in Antonius' way,
When he doth run his course. Antonius!

ANTONY Caesar, my lord?

CAESAR What did that last line mean? Tell me, I can't remember.

ANTONY I shall remember

CAESAR Get on with it then, and leave no ceremony out.

[Music, 'Anarchy in the UK', by the Six Apistols]

SOOTHSAYER Caesar man!

CAESAR Ha! who calls?

CASCA Shut it, all of ya!

CAESAR Who is it in the press that calls on me?
I'll only talk to you if you're not from the bloody Herald-Sun.
Speak, Caesar is turned to hear.

SOOTHSAYER Beware the ides of March.

CAESAR What man is that?

BRUTUS A thoothayer bidth you beware the idth of March.

CAESAR Have you got a lisp, Brutus? Set him before me, let me see his face.

CASSIUS Fellow, come from the throng, look upon Caesar.

CAESAR Yo man, what's happenin' bro? Run that by me again.

SOOTHSAYER Beware the ides of March.

CAESAR He's drunk, let us leave him pass.
Anyone got a dictionary there? Right. Look up ide!

CASSIUS Icon... icosahedron, icterus, ictus, I'd, id, ah! Ide - see id. Hmmm okay. id, ide, ns. a fish of the same family as the carp, inhabiting fresh water in Northern Europe.

CAESAR "Beware the fish of the same family as the carp of March"?!?

BRUTUS Methinkth he wath ath pithed ath a newt.

CAESAR Well, all the same... Calphurnia! Cancel the fish-fingers tonight; we'll call out for a pizza. C'mon; almost time to watch "I, Claudius" on the telly.

Shakespeare

	[Enter Caesar, Antony, stripped for the course, Calphurnia, Portia, Decius, Cicero, Brutus, Cassius, Casca, a Soothsayer, and after them Marullus and Flavius with the communal gherkin, and a crowd estimated by police to be at least ten thousand following.]
CAESAR	Calphurnia!
CASCA	Peace, ho! Caesar speaks.
CAESAR	Calphurnia, where the bloody hell are you?
CALPHURNIA	Here, my lord.
CAESAR	Stand you directly in Antonius' way, When he doth run his course. Antonius!
ANTONY	Caesar, my lord?
CAESAR	What did that last line mean? Tell me, I can't remember.
ANTONY	I shall remember
CAESAR	Get on with it then, and leave no ceremony out.
	[Music, 'Anarchy in the UK', by the Six Apistols]
SOOTHSAYER	Caesar man!
CAESAR	Ha! who calls?
CASCA	Shut it, all of ya!
CAESAR	Who is it in the press that calls on me? I'll only talk to you if you're not from the bloody Herald-Sun. Speak, Caesar is turned to hear.
SOOTHSAYER	Beware the ides of March.
CAESAR	What man is that?
BRUTUS	A thoothayer bidth you beware the idth of March.
CAESAR	Have you got a lisp, Brutus? Set him before me, let me see his face.
CASSIUS	Fellow, come from the throng, look upon Caesar.
CAESAR	Yo man, what's happenin' bro? Run that by me again.
SOOTHSAYER	Beware the ides of March.
CAESAR	He's drunk, let us leave him pass. Anyone got a dictionary there? Right. Look up ide!
CASSIUS	Icon... icosahedron, icterus, ictus, I'd, id, ah! Ide - see id. Hmmm okay. id, ide, ns. a fish of the same family as the carp, inhabiting fresh water in Northern Europe.
CAESAR	"Beware the fish of the same family as the carp of March"?!?
BRUTUS	Methinkth he wath ath pithed ath a newt.
CAESAR	Well, all the same... Calphurnia! Cancel the fish-fingers tonight; we'll call out for a pizza. C'mon; almost time to watch "I, Claudius" on the telly.