    |
|
Promos
What the
stations really mean
| What they say | What they mean |
|---|---|
| Hilarious! (1) | All the jokes are in this promo |
| Brought to you by | Padded with ads by |
| Proudly brought to you by | Padded with expensive ads by |
| All star | All the money was spent on the cast. Bit parts not played by stars as such |
| Live (3) | We recorded it last week in front of an audience, but couldn't be bothered editing out the boring bits |
| Live and exclusive | We spent a lot of money on the rights |
| Exclusive | Nobody else wanted to buy it |
| World premiere (3) | Nobody in the WORLD wanted to buy it |
| Premiere (3) | It's already been shown at the cinema, on video, and cable (three times) |
| Explosive | Violent |
| All action | Gratuitously violent |
| Spine-tingling (2) | Surprisingly violent |
| Thriller (2) | Mysteriously violent |
| Will grip you right to the very end (2) | Violent right until the final credits |
| Before s/he was X | Terrible movie made before star was big |
| Encore presentation | Repeat |
| Classic | Old repeat |
| Classic favourite | Being shown for the tenth time |
| By popular demand | The ratings on the last one were great |
| With extra special guest | He/she appears in one cameo scene |
| Logie award winning (3) | It was voted winner by the readers of TV Week (need I say more?) |
| Nominated for award X | It lost |
| Internationally acclaimed | The pommy TV critics liked it |
| (Any quote of overseas ratings) | Got it cheap because we convinced them that our audiences wouldn't like it |
| For the first time on channel X | All the other stations have already shown it |
| Only on channel X | Just reminding you what channel it's on |
| A very special story | Sob story |
| Heartbreaking | Sob story |
| Heartwarming | Sob story with happy ending |
| Every Australian should see it (*) | Oh please watch, our ratings are so low this week |
| No parent should miss it | It's got kids in it |
| Too hot to be shown in state X (2) | We couldn't afford the legal fees to challenge the X courts |
| Provocative (2) | Shit-stirring |
| Controversial (2) | Shit-stirring |
| Thought provoking (2) | Scary and shit-stirring |
| Outrageous comedy (1) | It's got tits in it |
| Steamy (2) | It's got shower scenes |
| Raunchy (2) | It's got sex scenes |
| Erotic (2) | It's got even more sex scenes |
| Uncut | Somehow it got past the censor |
| At the special time | Sport pre-empted it |
| At the special adult time | We're not allowed to show it earlier |
| Special presentation | It pre-empted something else |
| Movie-length presentation | We stuck all the episodes together |
(*)A special mention goes to the ABC for their 1995 promotion of docu-drama "Blue Murder", which, because it was rated MA, meant that "every Australian" couldn't legally see it.
(1)Said with hint of laugh
(2)Said in deep slow voice
(3)Said in booming cheerful voice
Copyright 1995-1997 Daniel Bowen. Originally from TCWF 270, 9/10/1995
