(Originally from TCWF September 1992)
The Paralympics for the psychically handicapped are currently underway in Sydney. And after they've finished, next up is the Psycholympics, a set of events specifically for athletes with disorders of the mind.
the paranoid marathon: the runners just keep running, because they
think there's someone after them. They run out of the stadium, get
into a taxi to the airport and get on the first plane out of the country using a forged passport and a fake moustache
100 metres freestyle for hydrophobics and people with water fixations
agoraphobiacs' gymnastics, held inside the horse
high-diving for bathophobiacs
manic depressive sprint. Runners don't care if they win or lose,
they just want to die
debating competitions for hysterics
schizophrenia relay running (one runner per team)
psycho-somatic skeet shooting, where competitors imagine they have a gun and the target is just a figment of their imagination due to the stress of it all
Copyright © 1992, 2000 Daniel Bowen. Feedback: dbowen @ custard.net.au or the guestbook.