The Psycholympics

23-Oct-2000
(Originally from TCWF September 1992)

The Paralympics for the psychically handicapped are currently underway in Sydney. And after they've finished, next up is the Psycholympics, a set of events specifically for athletes with disorders of the mind.

Events include: 

• the paranoid marathon: the runners just keep running, because they think there's someone after them. They run out of the stadium, get
  into a taxi to the airport and get on the first plane out of the country using a forged passport and a fake moustache
  

• 100 metres freestyle for hydrophobics and people with water fixations 
  

• agoraphobiacs' gymnastics, held inside the horse
  

• high-diving for bathophobiacs
  

• manic depressive sprint. Runners don't care if they win or lose, they just want to die
  

• debating competitions for hysterics
  

• schizophrenia relay running (one runner per team)
  

• psycho-somatic skeet shooting, where competitors imagine they have a gun and the target is just a figment of their imagination due to the stress of it all

Copyright © 1992, 2000 Daniel Bowen. Feedback: dbowen @ custard.net.au or the guestbook.