This web site is no longer being actively updated. More information.
Toxic Custard Workshop Files Doctor Who - Revenge of the Unrealistatrons

Part 2

(Actually, the first scene is mostly repeat of the previous episode, to save money)

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: You two are spies, and the legal conditions made up by the writer give me the power to have you executed. Guard! Perform the cliff-hanger.

JANYETTE: (Scream) Doctor, do something!

[Close up of the Doctor's face, as the guard comes towards him with a lethal looking kerosene heater refill attachment. Suddenly cut-away, and press stop on the "Dramatic Music" CD. A timely explosion rocks the base. All the nasty humans naturally react by not killing the Doctor, and waving their arms around as the cameraman shakes the camera up and down]

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: What's that? Corporal Atari, what's happening?

ATARI: The Unrealistatrons are attacking, Commander! Their pathetibomb has penetrated our hull!

DOCTOR: (interrupting) Commander, you don't stand a chance! The Unrealistatrons will destroy your base if you try and fight. They'll kill every last one of you, by pulling your fingers from their sockets, ramming them down your throats, and then doing rather nasty things with your lower intestines. You must give in now!

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: Give in? And then what?

DOCTOR: If you surrender to them now, they will come in peace. They'll take over your base, then kill every last one of you, by pulling your fingers...

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: I think I get the idea.

DOCTOR: Don't worry! You'll be safe - we can't afford special effects that good.

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: Alright Doctor. I've suddenly gained complete respect and a limited amount of trust for you and your scantily clad colleague with the silly name. But we do this my way. Sega, Nintendo! Arm the Very Dangerous Missile. And get me radio contact with the aliens. Err, maybe each of you should do one of those things.

DOCTOR: Commander, these are alien creatures. Their radio signals will be completely different systems, their communications circuitry unknown to Earth, and their language may be made of sounds that can't be heard by the human ear.

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: Hello Unrealistatrons. This is Commander Fleggle of the deep space probe X54-723 and a half.

VOICE FROM RADIO: Hello Earwigs, err Earthlings.


VOICE FROM RADIO: My name is Pentax. I am leader of the Unrealistatrons of the planet Mothball 6.

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: Hello Pentax. Why are you attacking us?

VOICE FROM RADIO: Because we're hostile aliens. That's what hostile aliens do.

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: I must warn you, we are arming our Very Dangerous Missile. If you do not cease hostilities, we will fire it.

VOICE FROM RADIO: Be warned, Commander. No Earth weapons will have any effect against us, for we have the Grunge shield activated.

2ND VOICE FROM RADIO: Shh, Pentax, don't tell them about the Grunge shield!

VOICE FROM RADIO: Oh shut up, Tampax. I know what I'm doing.

DOCTOR: Commander, I may have an idea.


DOCTOR: Well, if we... oh. No. It's gone again, sorry.

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: Never mind. Nintendo! Fire the Very Dangerous Missile!

(Cue sound effect as the missile launches)

VOICE FROM RADIO: Right, I'll do you for that. Tampax, fire the Cliche Bomb!

JANYETTE: (screams again)

DOCTOR: What is it? Why did you scream?

JANYETTE: Well, there was this gap in the script...

[Another explosion rocks the command centre thingy.]

COMMANDER FLEGGLE: The cliche bomb has hit! We're going to die!

SEGA: We're done for!

NINTENDO: Goodbye cruel world!

ATARI: I'll never play another decent game!

JANYETTE: (scream)

[Close up on the Doctor's face...]

DOCTOR: This is it...

[The camera starts to rock again as the command centre is hit. Roll credits.]

Part 1 Part 3

Toxic Custard Workshop Files