This web site is no longer being actively updated. More information.

TCWF Toxic Custarpedia

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices


Zanthoxylum

Same as Xanthoxylum. The word most often saved for a triple word score in Scrabble. (C'mon guys, couldn't you find a sensible way of spelling it?!)


Zebra

A horse with stripes added. Now available in five different colours, and with optional spots. Zebras are now almost extinct, most of their number having been skinned to make pedestrian crossings. Just remember that the next time you cross the street, or play 'Abbey Road', you heartless bastards. Actually, I think if zebras had been spotted instead of striped, zebra crossings would be much more distinctive. Perhaps it's not too late to try leopard crossings.


Zero

Nothing. Zilch. Having no measurable size, amount. Normally used to describe intelligence, probability, bank balances, luck, investment funds, chance, laughs in this entry, etc.


Zigzag

Descriptive of a straight line as drawn by someone who is either extremely intoxicated, has absolutely no coordination, is racked by indecision about direction, or any combination of the three.

Any zigzag line drawn under the above conditions will in all probability involve more zigging than zagging (or vice versa), and in the case of intoxication, there is quite likely to be zogging, zugging and zegging involved.


Zip

Object placed in clothing, designed to get stuck at the most inconvenient and/or embarrassing times. When placed in men's trousers, the humble zip can be lethal, or at least very painful. I'm sure I don't need to explain why, but let's just say it makes most men wince almost as much as the word "Bobbit". Take care, chaps.


Zodiac

Twelve symbols based on constellations that someone probably saw through a very dodgy telescope, as they ain't up there now. The Zodiac has become the foundation for the income of astrologers, who fall into the Useless Portion of the Population, defined by Toxic Custard to include chain letter senders, ballet instructors, opera singers and arts students. Note that religious leaders are not included in this list -- they're good to laugh at.


Zoo

Generally a large location where a number of animals are kept, often against their will. Designers of fenceless zoos need to be very careful when estimating the width and depth of the trenches against how far some of the more enthusiastic animals with sharp teeth can jump. A miscalculation could result in long searches for bits of zoo visitors inside various animals' stomachs.

Security at zoos should always be a priority. Last year at Melbourne Zoo, five hooligans broke into the zoo at night and taught some of the gorillas how to do the long jump. Then the four of them showed the tigers how to climb out of their cages, and the one that was left was found feeding arms to the killer whales.


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices

Toxic Custard Workshop Files Toxic Custarpedia