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TCWF Toxic Custarpedia

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Yacht

Word that looks like it should be pronounced 'yatched', especially designed that way to confuse people learning English. Actually 'yacht' is descriptive of one of those big boatie things with sails that you see in the bay, which are probably great fun, apart from all the hard work trying to keep the thing from sailing into rocks.


Yap

The kind of bark produced by a small dog that will try to either bite your toes off or hump your leg if you don't get it first with a chainsaw.


Year

Something that sounds at first like an awfully long time, but goes past faster than anyone realises. Maybe there's something about leap years that I'm missing here, but if the Earth takes about 365.25 days to go around the sun... then why aren't our clocks out by 6 hours more every year?

(Yes, I did work it out 20 seconds after I wrote it, but oh well. If I'd wanted to get into long debates about physics and interstellar timezones then I'd have gone to that science-fiction convention. Now, if you ask me, any organised gathering of science-fiction fans should be a perfectly honourable target for terrorist groups. The idea of paying $100 to spend a weekend in a hotel with thousands of Spock quoters and Dalek impersonators makes it clear to me why these things always seem to feature "CON" in the title.

"Welcome to COMPLETECON. Our guest of most honour and dedication, who we will be subjecting to long queues of minor-celebrity autograph hunters will be... umm.. Whatsisname! Yeah, that guy who used to be in Doctor Who. You know, the one that got sacked. We've forgotten his name for the moment, but we're sure you all say it in mantras as you go to sleep. And if we can't get him, we'll get that Cyberpunk dude."

Now, if it were a Red Dwarf star, that would be a different matter...)


Yeti

Mysterious creature of the Himalayas, also known as the Abominable Snowman. The Yeti, along with the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, Elvis, those guys who made the weird stone faces, and everyone who ever disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle, are all somewhere enjoying a coffee, and laughing at every one of us.


Youth

Description of young people used by social workers, journalists and other misfits of society. Usually found between the words "rampant" and "unemployment". These three words together, typically in 40-point Times New Roman, are often found just above a discussion on the break-up of urban society, the evils of the recession, and the ambivalence of the authorities. Naturally, most of us sigh, turn the page without reading it, and find out about the latest cute little otter born that has mauled the zookeeper's nose off.


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices

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