This web site is no longer being actively updated. More information.

TCWF Toxic Custarpedia

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices


Madness

A condition that can drive people to buy albums by a Minogue in the mistaken belief that they contain any display of talent.


Malaysia

Shhh! Nobody say "recalcitrant"! Seriously though, we shouldn't insult the Malaysians. Yes, I know it's very easy to do. But we shouldn't. Because we should be respectful, we should be honourable, we should be gracious at all times, and because they're bigger than us and we would be in very deep shit if they decided to invade.


Malouf, David

(1934-)

Australian novelist, academic, and someone who my father bores me shitless by talking about all the time. "You've got cold you say? Well you know, Malouf said that influenza is like a bond between man and the unquestionable questions of existence..." What bollocks.

See Also: Meaning


Man

  o
 /|\
 / \

Maniac

There are many people in our everyday society who, had they been born a few hundred years ago in an area with a feudal system of administration, would have fulfilled their inner wishes to be Genghis Kahn. You know the type of people - the ones who we instead see pushing vainly forward on the locked entrance doors to the station platform even though the train's not there. "Fuck it! Let me through - I'll walk to Sydney. It's only fuckin' 600 miles!"


Marina

One of those places where lots of people in boats sail around, and little kids hang their fishing rods over the edge in the belief that they're going to catch a whopper which will feed their family that night. And where you can walk to the end of the pier and buy a Coke for $3.

A marina is the logical inverse of a wharf.


Mark, Marky

I don't know what it is about these people who not only have first and surnames starting with the same letters, but also have the nerve to get famous with those names. I guess their parents were all alliteration enthusiasts. The thing about people who are famous is, their names always sound famous too. Because they are.

I'm now uncertain where this train of thought is heading. In fact, I think I'd be correct in saying that this train of thought seems to have come off the rails, is hurtling over a cliff and will shortly explode into flames. We apologise for any inconvenience.


Matador

Spaniard who kills bulls. Somewhere, probably in Bull Heaven, there's a place where Spaniards get mercilessly taunted, then knifed by a bull to the cheering of hundreds of other bulls.


Maths

And now for a quick mathematics lesson. Firstly, back to the basics. If you have five Peter Andre CDs, and you smash two against the wall, burn another, stomp on one, and frisbee one more out of the window, how many do you have left? None. Zero. Which is absolutely the correct number to have.

See also: Logarithm


Meaning

When you say you're going to rip both my testicles from my groin and stuff them down my throat... what do you really mean by the word "groin"?


Megabogue

(1987-)

Megabogue's music has been described as "anal sadistic", "creative lionism", and "a load of shit" by various critics of differing intellectual standards over the years. The crux of their music is a complete lack of talent or effort put into their recordings. This lack of any concern or care in their work has brought many classically bad and unpopular works into the public eye, and generally straight out of the public mouth and into the nearest bucket. They have not been so much thrust into the limelight as vomited into the taupelight.

To this criticism, the members of Megabogue would probably argue their case thus: "Fuck off!"


Memoir

A book written by someone who has fallen out of the limelight and is struggling to get back in. Generally hardback and costs at least $25. Generally a work of fiction by the author, claiming how great he/she was/is. The best memoirs are written sufficiently late that there's no-one else still alive to refute what the author says.


Middle

The section before the end, and after the beginning. The middle can be defined as that dull bit when you've just got used to something, and you're unaware that its going to end soonish.


Mountain

Something which men seem to delight in being able to climb just so they can stick little flags in it at the top to show that they've climbed it, and can then apply for Fame from the Warhol Institute For Handing Out Fame. Generally a waste of time. And I can prove it. Name five mountaineers.

See?


MouseMouse

Computer input device, named by some scientists at Xerox when they were pissed out of their brains. They also labelled the computer's display screen a Vole, but were less successful in spreading of this term.


Music

A terribly, terribly subjective thing. [Don't see Megabogue] Classicists argue that the best music moves transparently into your brain, and makes you fall asleep without even realising it(*). Which is why any piece of music whose title even mentions the words "Symphony" or "Canon" sends people to sleep.

(*) Generally they only realise it when they discover themselves walking down the street naked, or inexplicably jumping from a cliff into an alligator's mouth.

See also: Opera


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices

Toxic Custard Workshop Files Toxic Custarpedia