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TCWF Toxic Custarpedia

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Kangaroo

Large marsupial that spends its time bouncing around the outback, leaping over wombats and echidnas, and being hunted by Aborigines with boomerangs. Does anyone actually believe this Aussie cliche stuff?


Kennel

A place where sleeping dogs lie, shelter from rain, and chew on dubious bones dug up from other people's garden. Toxic Custard advice of the week is: Never steal anything from a Rottweiler's kennel. While you may not get caught, you are more likely to leave fingers than fingerprints behind. And for the gentlemen, this has a Bollocks Loss Likelihood rating of 93%.


Kettle

Device designed to heat up water, whistle just too quietly for you to hear when it's finished, boil dry, explode and burn your house down.


KeyboardKeyboard

Object which takes the brunt of your frustration with a computer. This is, oddly, even the case when the physical computer that is sticking its virtual tongue out at you, is many kilometres, or even timezones, away.


Kill

It must be a result of the inherent violence of humans that in the Thesaurus, there are over 200 words for 'kill', but only 23 for 'resin'.


Kiln

The only thing in the art room you weren't allowed to touch in primary school.


Kiosk

Small roofed stall that sells overpriced refreshments that nobody really wants to eat, but are trapped in the confines of an arena, stadium, etc. "No sorry mate, ain't got any pies. 'Ere, how about a mouldy sausage roll? Only three months expired. Or these hot chips. Well, they used to be hot. We've got the soggy or rock hard varieties. No? Melted ice-cream? Aww okay, a floppy hotdog and a flat Coke it is then."


Kipper

A male salmon during the spawning season after spawning. I still wonder why Jewish boys wear kippers on their heads. It must get very smelly during the summer. Perhaps they should turn to cod.


Kitchen

The kitchen has been statistically proven to be the room of a house that a man is least likely to die in. Because he's never in there. The laundry came a close second. So there you go guys - to statistically cheat death(*), just spend all your time in either the laundry or the kitchen. If you can find them.

(*) A fairly stupid idea


Klu Klux Klan

People without a Klu.

See Also: Wanker.


Knack

That indefinable balance between fluke and skill.


Knee-jerk reaction

A controlled upwards movement of a knee into the groinal area of a jerk. Very fun, excepting when one is on the receiving of the said upwards movement.


Knob

Erm... protruding object designed for easy grip to umm...

See also: Innuendo


Koala

Small furry Australian marsupial. Don't believe what you see on the telly, these are vicious little bastards. They'll quite happily claw you to death then piss all over you if you don't give them a Eucalyptus leaf to eat.


Krishna

The Hare Krishnas now have a security van service operating for the delivery of money and other material objects. Guards prevent robberies using chanting and gongs. For details, contact: Ramaguard.


Kylie

I discovered today that "kylie" is actually Aboriginal for a boomerang. Which explains how Kylie Minogue's career keeps bouncing back, despite a lack of talent.


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices

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