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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices


Eat

Eating is often advised for the hungry, and can often alleviate the problems caused by starvation. Many theorists and scientists have proposed that eating generally be limited to food. Civil libertarians have naturally attacked this as an infringement of the rights of the citizens to do really stupid things. In fact the Stupid Now! movement has held demonstrations in many major cities. Last week's demonstration here in Melbourne was estimated by Stupid Now! to be a crowd of twelve, although police estimated only two or three people attended. When confronted with the discrepancy, Stupid Now! admitted that they had counted an old lady with her shopping cart who had stopped to watch the street theatre, two kids running along the pavement parallel to the march, and a guy waiting for a bus. But they still maintained at least eight people had marched in "unity and oneness with the entire strength of the human voice". Yeah. What has this got to do with eating? Not much.


Economics

Economics is the study of the movements of imaginary monetary values around the place. The financial world of the 1990s relies on the whims of a bunch of stock-market analysts who enjoy bumping the dollar up and down for a laugh. No really, it's true. Last week one of them pressed the wrong button and bankrupted a moderately sized African country!

But actually, the study of economics is all about supply and demand, import, export, GDP, GDT, GMT, and all that stuff. And then of course there's microeconomics, which is when you don't have very much money.


Edison, Thomas Alva

(1847-1931)

American inventor. Apparently he was expelled from school for being retarded. I wonder if the descendants of whoever made that decision have erased this person from their family tree out of embarrassment?

Edison took out more than 1000 patents during his life, including the gramophone, the light bulb, and the megaphone. Amongst his lesser known inventions were the electrical powered nose cleaner, the inverse heat sensor wok, and the unfortunately flawed hand stapler. Mind you, three duds out of 1000 ain't bad.


EggEgg

An egg is an oval-shaped object commonly found in saucepans being boiled. And perhaps one of the most asked questions of the whole of humankind is "How does one time the boiling of one's egg?" Well, okay, it's probably not usually that pretentious. But it does remain an important and unanswered question, something which is not going to be solved by reading some pathetic little electronic journal churned out by some guy in Australia who thinks he's still at university.


Elastic

Long known for its stretchy qualities, elastic is related to rubber, which, should it manage to hold this joke together, can be used to mould various shapes. One of the recent movie hits used this to good effect, with giant rubber dinosaurs terrorising a bunch of rubber actors in an amusement park after breaking out of their elastic enclosures. "Elastic Park", that one was. Didn't really work, did it? Filled up a few lines though.


ElectricityElectricity

Electricity is a marvellous discovery, enabling mankind to harness its power to generate huge fuel bills.


Elton, John

John Elton was born Harry Webb, and burst onto the music scene in 1963 after being "discovered" praying in the Cavern Pub, in Liverpool. His first major hit came in 1965 with "High Generation", in which he encouraged listeners to "blade away", a prediction of the rollerblade craze of the early 1990s.

Elton's lyrics coupled with paint magnate Bernie Taubman's music continued to produce hits into the 1990s. By this time, however, the two had decided to give up on music, becoming caretakers, and the final album of their songs was a tribute by other artists, entitled "Two Brooms".


End

No, the end is down the bottom. The end can be defined as the final moments of existence of something. There is a healthy employment to be made in the prediction of the end of the world, especially at the moment, as the millennium freaks gear up for the big 2 triple zero. Stand-by for the raining frogs, boiling acid, Dante poems, etc.


Entity

A word far too cosmic sounding to be involved in systems analysis.


Exam

Exams have changed a bit over the years. Many new regulations have been introduced recently to ensure that every exam runs as expected. For instance:

NEW EXAMINATION REGULATIONS

All students should take note of the following additional and modified examination regulations.

1. Candidates must not attempt revision earlier than thirty (30) minutes before the scheduled start of an examination.

2. Candidates must miss their trains on the way to examinations or not be able to find a parking space if they are driving.

3. Room allocation for candidates will be posted up precisely five (5) minutes after the examination has begun.

4. Examination supervisors must be a minimum of sixty-five (65) years of age, completely deaf, totally ignorant of the subject being examined, and unable to spot a raised hand at a distance of more than two (2) metres.

5. No matter how hard they try to find a decent table, all candidates will end up sitting at one with a minimum of one leg a different length to the others. Candidates are advised to seek the attention of an examination supervisor by dancing on the table, until a supervisor comes and attempts unsuccessfully to alleviate the situation with piles and piles of folded-up bits of paper.

6. Strictly no talking is permitted in the examination room. Well, all right, you can talk until the old geezer says "Start reading". But not after that. From that point onwards, a variety of hand-signals and facial expressions may be employed.

7. Dropped pens must roll a minimum of three (3) metres, generally under someone else's desk. No spare pens will be available.

8. During Reading Time, no writing whatsoever is permitted. However, for multiple-choice questions, a calculator in hexidecimal mode may be employed, for later transcription of answers into the answer booklet. An alternative is a nice sharp fingernail.

9. Lecturers for examined subjects will be almost impossible to get hold of, and when the candidate does get to speak to them, they won't know what the candidate is talking about.

10. The typographical error quota this semester is three (3) per page.


Extra

Well, that's like... extra, innit. More than what would have been if there hadn't been extra, if you see what I mean.


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices

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