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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices


Abbreviations

ABC - Association of Budget Culture

ALA - Australian League of Alcoholics

IRCA - Incredulous Ripped-off Consumer Association

RSWL - Returned Servicemans' Warmongers League

SHS - Society of Hamster Strangling

srt - small round thing (mechanical term)

SUB - Society of Utter Bastards

TAS - Thick As Shit (teaching term, descriptive of students and education ministers)

UPF - Unidentified Program Fuck-up (computing term, when you know there's something wrong, but have absolutely no idea where)

vlds - very long drum solo (musical term)


Obscure Imperial Measurements

DISTANCE

43 miles = 1 goosefart
7 inches = 1 wanger
1/2 inch = 1 tadger

VOLUME

73 pints = 1 sloshedbloke

FREQUENCY

65000 hertz = a lot


Saints

HIBBERT THE BUILDER (1823-1860)

St Hibbert made it into Sainthood City by building some of the most impressive cathedrals of the 19th century. Unfortunately it was realised later that many had structural defects, and by 1910, they had all collapsed of their own accord. Hibbert himself died when his house collapsed on him during a light breeze.

OSBORNE THE WEIRD (1621-1664)

St Osborne could be seen running around the streets of Naples wearing nothing more than a tea cosy. Which is a pretty good reason for being known as weird. He would often be heard squawking, saying what he claimed were the prayers that bears uttered, and smoking a strange weed-like substance. Which are several more reasons for being known as weird.

RALPH THE PERVERT (1214-1261)

St Ralph was best known for his dubious pursuits involving furry animals, something that was, and still is denied by the church. In 1253 he formed the Society of Hamster Strangling, which became an underground organisation soon afterwards, and whose members still occupy parts of Brussels.


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Appendices

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