**************************************************************************** ### # # ### ##### ## # # # ## ## # # ### ##### ## ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### # # # # # # # # # ## # #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # ## ## ## ### # # # # # ### ____________________________________________________________________________ # # ### #### # # #### # # ### #### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### ### ##### # # #### ##### # # ##### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### # # # # #### # # ### # # # ##### ##### #### *******NUMBERS 371 TO 375*****************************BY DANIEL BOWEN******* *****Please note, some of the quoted addresses within this file may no***** ***longer be correct. Please email info@toxiccustard.com for information.*** "Damned expensive Toxic Custard" TTTTT CCCC W W FFFFF http://www.toxiccustard.com T C W W F Number 371, 10th Nov 1997 T C W W W FFFF Written by Daniel Bowen Toxic CCCCustard WWWWWWWorkshop Files------------------------------ DIARY - Sunday 9/11/97 - Driving hazards Well, my second driving lesson was yesterday. Once again the fatalities were remarkably low (zero). I'm gradually getting used to this driving lark. The steering's okay. And I'm a whiz with the indicators. Really where my problem is is the clutch. That and the whole gear situation. It's probably just a matter of practice, but until I master it, I'll still be stopping without the clutch down, trying to take off in second gear, and occasionally panicking and coming off the clutch too fast and stalling the car. And I won't talk about the time I reached for the gear stick and got the hand brake... Andre, my driving instructor, must have nerves of steel. And maybe he doesn't own the car? It has been pointed out that I could've learnt on an automatic. But, I ask myself, where would the challenge be in that? Besides, then I wouldn't be allowed to drive a manual, which I might well need to do, because since I've started looking at the prices of cars, I've suddenly remembered another reason that I've never had a car - other than "I can't be bothered learning to drive". They're damned expensive. It's not like on The Brady Bunch when Greg bought that old heap for a hundred bucks. We're talking thousands of dollars. And the more thousands, the better, if I don't want to end up driving a completely crap smoke belching, fuel guzzling, deathtrap of a car. No wonder that during the lesson when I saw a bus go by in the mirror, I longed for the good old days before I went out looking for all this complication in my life. More from the diary... http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Jason, somewhere, wrote: While the outward appearances may differ, is there really THAT much of a difference between Australians and Americans? Actually, I would dispute that outward appearances differ. The people of American cities could easily be mistaken for the people of Australian cities, until they open their mouths. It's a big cliche that all Americans wear big hats and loud jackets, just as it's a big cliche that all Australians wear shorts and singlets and hats with corks to get the flies. In both cases, some people do wear that stuff, but most don't. So what are the differences? Keep reading, virtually the whole of this column is about the differences between Australians and their country, and everybody else. Cathy, in the USA wrote: This summer a TV show called Roar was aired. One of the stars was Aussie Heath Ledger. How popular is he over there and what do you think about him? Never heard of him. Jennifer, probably in the USA, wrote: Is Steve Irwin and 'The Crocodile Hunter' TV show as popular in Australia as they advertise here? Depending on how much they hype him, probably not. A lot of people have heard of him, but he's no megastar. It is, after all, a nature series. They don't exactly top the ratings most weeks. If anybody's interested, the top rating TV shows (at least in Melbourne), last week were: - Blue Heelers (Ch 7) - local cop show set in a country town apparently riddled with crime, like all country towns that are the basis for cop shows are. - Friends (Ch 9) - American sitcom set in New York, but unlike in Seinfeld, they never catch the subway and there's not a person over 35 in sight. - This Is Your Life (Ch 9) - local show set to a well-worn imported formula. I reckon a lot of people just watch the first five minutes so they can find out who's on and how they get surprised. - 60 Minutes (Ch 9) - tabloid TV at its best (or worst). Catch Media Watch the night after to find out what tricks they played. - Suddenly Susan (Ch 9) - American sitcom which I bet would have flopped if it didn't have Brooke Shields in it. - Our House (Ch 9) - infotainment programme showing how to renovate your front room, decorate your lounge and landscape the garden all in the space of 30 minutes. - Murder Call (Ch 9) - local cop show with scary looking promos. - Getaway (Ch 9) - travel programme showing some of the places it would be fun to go on holiday if you had unlimited cash or if you were a presenter on a travel programme. - RPA (Ch 9) - one of those shows where they chase ambulances and show the world somebody's medical emergencies. - Good Medicine (Ch 9) - purporting to give medical advice and the like, at least that's how it looks from the promos. I bet they have a very big disclaimer in the credits. (Source: The Age Green Guide, 6/11/97) Judging from this list, I'm obviously not the typical TV viewer. The shows I've been watching regularly recently are: Nine News, ABC News, Friends, Media Watch, Race Around The World, The Bill, Men Behaving Badly (the original, not the pathetic NBC adaptation), People's Century, Good News Week, Fawlty Towers and Roy & HG's Club Buggery. For more questions and answers about Australia, visit the Toxic Custard Guide - http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Also new this week on the Toxic Custard web site... - Cup Day: Well, it's been another traditional Cup Day. Traditional in the sense that I lost all the money I bet. - - -> http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/1997/11.html#4/11/97 - This morning my train ran parallel to another one for several kilometres - I felt like I was in a Cadbury commercial. - - -> http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/1997/11.html#7/11/97 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toxic Custard. A great place to waste your time. http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. To get your subscription moved, send a "remove" from the old address, and a "subscribe" from the new one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@custard.net.au ------- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The Toxic Custard virus" Before we start this week's Toxic Custard, I thought I'd pass on this, which I received by e-mail from IBM a couple of days ago. Please forward it to everybody you know - it might help them a lot. ---- Subject: JOIN THE PENPAL GREETINGS GOODTIME CREW VIRUS Hi, and congratulations. Because you have opened this e-mail, you obviously either have never received a hoax virus warning about e-mails, or if you did you didn't take any notice. The bad news is that by reading this message, a virus may have already infected your computer. Its effect is to fill your screen with timewasting gibberish, fill part of your hard disk with useless text and clog up your network with e-mail that spreads to everyone in your organisation. Furthermore, it has been found that this virus can WIPE YOUR HARD DISK, simply by the user opening the message, then going to a DOS prompt and typing FORMAT C:. That's how deadly it can be! But the really dangerous part is a new scary development in virus-writing which can actually affect the computer user, rather than the computer. People who come into contact with this virus will die within 100 years of reading this message! There is no cure for death at this time, so please be very careful! The virus spreads by human gullibility. Please forward this message immediately to everyone else who might need to see this warning. For the latest updates on this virus, please see the Internet Web page http://207.201.128.182/computing/virus/ ---- TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES http://www.toxiccustard.com Number 372, 17th November 1997 Written by Daniel Bowen --------------------------------------------------------------------- DIARY - Wed 12/11/97 - Great places I have thrown up Last night I went out to dinner at Wolfgang Puck's with a bunch of people I used to work with. We ate, drank and were merry, and then walked out onto St Kilda Road to find our various ways home. I suddenly started to feel really queasy, and said so. We were just about to cross the road when my body decided that there was something that had gone down my throat which would have to be ejected. My stomach bouncers had found a victim to chuck back out onto the street. What an embarrassing situation. Here we are, having enjoyed dinner and each others' company... "Goodnight, see you next time", then hwaaaaarrrrrrkkkk! I'm not sure if it was a bug, the food, or perhaps the combination of beer and a closing hot chocolate didn't sit well in my stomach. But I suddenly found I had decorated a little part of the footpath on St Kilda Road. As well as my tie. Someone held my bag and I headed, in the traditional manner, for the flower bed, and proceeded to decorate somebody's horticultural masterpiece outside the Concert Hall. A few gulps of fresh air and I felt better, and I managed not to add any decoration to my mate's car as he gave me a lift home. It reminds me of the infamous Richmond Station incident. When I was at uni, I luncheoned on the very best of culinary delights - a typical lunch might be a hotdog, chips and a big bottle of orange juice. One afternoon, after going to all the lectures I needed to go to (or perhaps just all the lectures I felt like going to) and after eating lunch, I headed into the city for a bit of bumming around, like uni students do when they have no money and nothing to do. I headed home at peak hour. The train I was on was just coming out of the city loop when I started to feel really queasy. I stood by the door, just knowing that any minute now the 5:09 upchuck express was about to arrive. I tried not to think about the consequences of throwing up on suited commuters, and desperately begged the train to reach Richmond just a little bit faster than it was. The train got to Richmond and I flung open the doors and bolted for the nearest bin. I didn't quite make it, and up came all of that big bottle of orange juice, onto what had been a relatively clean platform 4, while waiting commuters deftly leapt out of the way. Let's go all out to turn this into an episode of Men Behaving Badly - Send in your vomiting stories. The place, the circumstances, etc (and whether or not you want your name used), and I'll do up a Great Vomits Web Page. Send your story to spew@toxiccustard.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Stephanie, location unknown, wrote: Do Aussies ever work? It seems that you are on an eternal holiday over there. I was once told that an entry level position in Australia includes 5 weeks vacation?!?! Most permanent jobs in Australia include 4 weeks of paid holiday, often taken in January, plus public holidays. This is quite high by North American standards, but it has been negotiated between workers and employers over the last few decades in an attempt to enable workers in all industries to have more time with their families, friends, and most importantly, to have more time available to drink beer. Jon, location unknown, wrote: Why the hell has a fair dinkum Aussie bloke like yerself got a web page... AND NO ".au" ON THE END. HUH! Answer that one, Mate. A good question, Cobber. Basically, when I wanted to splash out on a domain name of my own for the web site, I chose toxiccustard.com because: - I reckon it's a damn cheek that the Americans have grabbed the top level domain names that don't have a country identifier. Claim them back, I say! No, I don't care that they invented the Internet - somebody was bound to come up with the idea eventually! - Australian .com.au domains require an actual company to own them and to match the name, and at the time I didn't have a company. (They also have restrictions on the use of words found in the dictionary, which makes me wonder if they'd ever allow the Hoover company to own hoover.com.au, since "hoover" is also a dictionary word.) - Because it was easier to setup. As it happens, now that I do have a company for contracting purposes, I have also setup custard.net.au (.net.au names can be in the dictionary). However, toxiccustard.com will continue to be the place to find Toxic Custard. It may be worth noting that a number of Australian sites with higher profiles than Toxic Custard have joined my campaign to claim back domain names without countries, and have no .au on the end. There's all the .aust.com sites for a start. Plus bigpond.net, melbourne.org, qantas.com, sausage.com and I'm sure if you look around you can find stacks more. For more questions and answers about Australia, visit the Toxic Custard Guide - http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Got time to waste? Then waste it at Toxic Custard - there's nowhere better to waste your precious seconds of life. http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. To get your subscription moved, send a "remove" from the old address, and a "subscribe" from the new one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed for non- profit purposes provided no modifications are made and this notice is included. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@custard.net.au ------- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "A burning wreck of Toxic Custard" _____ ___ ___ TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES | | | | |__ by Daniel Bowen Number 373, 24th November 1997 | |___ |_|_| | www.toxiccustard.com --------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, the vomiting stories flowed in last week, but seem to have dried up over the weekend. Don't forget - we want your best throwing up stories! E-mail spew@toxiccustard.com now! In the meantime, the first great batch of stories that people have sent in is up on the Web. Check them out now on the "Great Vomits of the 20th Century" web page: http://www.toxiccustard.com/features/vomit/ (If you're thinking the whole thing is sick, then I agree. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I'm stepping over the boundaries of good taste. Or perhaps joyfully leaping over it.) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Sun 23/11/97 - How did your Melways get like that? You sometimes hear stories about how taxi drivers drive like maniacs. Certainly my driving instructor reckons I should be on the look-out for them (as well as people driving company cars from a certain well-known very large telephone company that recently floated on the stock exchange...) My own experience with taxi drivers is that some of them do drive like maniacs. Some of them drive very sensibly. And some of them drive very cautiously. Just like "normal" people. Of course, it's generally the maniacs that you remember, because of that helpless feeling that your life is in grave peril and you can't do anything about it! We took two taxis on Friday night. As it happened, the second did drive like a bit of a maniac, but we made it back in one piece. The first drove quite sensibly, but what was funny was that we got talking with him, and he mentioned where he got his battered, bent old Melways. Out of a burning taxi wreck. There was silence after he said that. We were wondering if he had been driving it. He was wondering why the hell he'd told us that. The rest of my weekend was reasonably uneventful. On Saturday morning we hit the dentist, and came away with our mouths and wallets remarkably unscathed, it was just a check-up and clean. On Saturday afternoon another driving lesson - the fourth - I think I'm finally getting the hang of the whole gear and clutch thing, though my sister, who took me out for a spin on Sunday arvo, may take a bit of convincing. On Sunday we set out with friends to see if we could eat an entire Limor's entree each. It's impossible. This place could feed impoverished nations with its leftovers. You have never seen food servings so enormous. There were more chips than a superconductor factory. I reckon that place must hold the record the consumption of doggy bags. I ate all I could, and only managed to get through half of my entree sized dish. Quite frankly the thought of how big the main sized dish would be simply frightens me. Meanwhile despite my casual attitude earlier in the week about not having a job to go to on Monday morning, I've actually been quite stressed about it. I'm out of work. Yikes. I know it's meant to be a relatively normal thing for computer contractors, and the lack of earnings isn't actually a problem (yet), but it's just not something I'm used to. So come Monday I'll be attacking the job hunting with a vengeance. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - GREAT MOMENTS... From a conversation I had with a colleague while waiting at Museum for a train a few weeks ago. Obviously we were both Monty Python fans... "Wonder if we'll get seats..." "In my day, we didn't have seats. Had to stand all the way." "Well when I were a lad, we had no floor in the train... everybody just hung from the roof by straps..." "Aye well when I were a lad, we didn't have an actual train! The driver would just run along the tunnel, we'd all line up behind him and off we'd go!" "Tunnel! You were lucky to have a tunnel! We used to have to dig our way out of t'loop! And every night they'd fill it back in again so we'd have to dig it out the next day..." "Loop! You were lucky to have a loop!" ... etc - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Also new this week on the Toxic Custard web site... - Well, with my current contract job expiring, ceasing to be, going to meet its maker, etc on Friday, I'm merrily job hunting once again. - - -> http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/1997/11.html#19/11/97 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't forget to keep the vomit stories flowing in! And chuck out, err check out all the fun on the Toxic Custard web site http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. To get your subscription moved, send a "remove" from the old address, and a "subscribe" from the new one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed for non- profit purposes provided no modifications are made and this notice is included. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@custard.net.au ------- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Commuting Toxic Custard" ===\/=== // \\ // //== Number 374, 1/12/97 || || \\ /\ // ||== Written by Daniel Bowen ||OXIC \\USTARD \//\\/ORKSHOP ||ILES www.toxiccustard.com --------------------------------------------------------------------- Down in the Vomitorium, there's heaps and piles and stacks of spew stories coming in! A whole bunch have just been added to the page, and there's plenty more to come! So check out "Great Vomits Of The 20th Century"! WARNING: Some stories may be distressing to nuns, people from Malta, school teachers and people who own white leather couches. Maltese school teacher nuns who own white leather couches should definitely keep clear. http://www.toxiccustard.com/features/vomit/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Sun 30/11/97 - My week I've had a pretty good week this week. Not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but pretty good. It began on Monday, when I had a job interview. Despite almost getting lost in the wilds of Doncaster, I managed to find the place, and spoke to the guy. It went quite well, I thought, and in fact he rang me late that afternoon and asked me to start on Thursday. Cool - so no more feeling nervous about running out of money and having to feed the family on bread and cheese. On Tuesday I got an e-mail back from the magazine that had asked to publish an article of mine. They're going to publish two more, and they want regular contributions! Woo hoo! Sounds pretty good to me, and in fact it's not long until they publish the first, so I should see the cold hard cash pretty soon! The magazine is the US-based "Portable Computing Direct Shopper", and my first article should be in the January issue. On Thursday I set out for the first day of my new contract job. It's a bit of a hike up to Doncaster, but it's only a short contract to get me over the industry's usual Christmas lull, and the money's good, so I think I can put up with it. Here's the commute plan. This is how it's meant to go: Anticipated Event Anticipated Time Duration ----------- ----------------------------------- ----------- 7:58 Walk to station 8 mins 8:06 Wait for train to Richmond 2 mins 8:08 Catch train to Richmond, read book 15 mins 8:23 Wait for train to Box Hill, check 5 mins the temperature on the Nylex sign, watch Punt Road traffic, etc 8:28 Catch train to Box Hill, read book 19 mins 8:47 Walk to bus station, dodging 2 mins schoolkids and trying not to spot anything irresistible in the shops 8:49 Wait for bus, enjoy the *stunning* 3 mins view from the bus station 8:52 Catch bus to Doncaster, avoid 7 mins reading book because I tend to get motion sick on buses if I do 8:59 Walk to work 5 mins 9:04 Arrive at work It's not brilliant (for my last job, the total commute was just over 30 minutes), but it's livable, at least for the two monthsish that this contract goes for. And I can catch up on the multitude of novels I've been given and lent over the last year that I haven't got around to reading yet. I'm also considering the benefits of buying a laptop so that I can be a Geek-in-transit, and write on the train. So that was the plan. 66 minutes or so, from door to door. But Mother Nature intervened. This is what actually happened on Thursday, the first day of the new job: Actual Event Actual Time Duration ------ ------------------------------------------- -------- 7:58 Walk to station 8 mins 8:06 Wait for train to Richmond 2 mins 8:08 Catch train to Richmond, read book 15 mins 8:23 Wait for train to Box Hill 5 mins 8:28 Board train to Box Hill. Train sits in 32 mins station, as driver announces a delay due to a lightning strike (of the electrical storm, rather than the Unionist, type) in Burnley. Station announcement says "5-10 minute delay due to adverse weather conditions". Debate whether or not to go and find a cab, knowing that as soon as I do, the train will probably move off. Decide to stay put. Station announcement says services on another line have been suspended all together because of these adverse weather conditions. C'mon guys, we're not facing tornados or tidal waves here, it's just a thunderstorm! Ring work to let them know I'm going to be late. Three or four "5-10 minute delay" announcements go by. It is now 9am, the time I am due at work. 9:00 Swearing at Mother Nature, I walk out of 2 mins Richmond station to street 9:02 Try to hail cab, along with a dozen 4 mins similarly placed people. Several cabs go by, all occupied. 9:06 Ring for cab. Tell operator to send a 2 mins few, 'cos there's tons of people here because the trains are a mess 9:08 Wait for cab, pacing up and down on kerb 5 mins 9:13 Go to work in cab. Note as we go past 30 mins where the train was that it has now gone. Cab takes inordinately long amount of time to reach the freeway due to the joyous Hoddle Street traffic, but after that it's a reasonable run to Doncaster. Keep reminding myself that although the freeway has saved my sanity, I don't actually like freeways. 9:43 Arrive at work. Make apologies to boss, who is surprisingly understanding. Thankfully things went smoothly on Friday. As far as the job itself goes, it looks like pretty interesting work, and I actually got most of the equipment on the first day! Desk, chair, computer, login, e-mail, phone. Working, too; imagine that! Just waiting on the necessary development software, and the real work can begin! On Saturday it was driving lesson (vroom vroom), shopping and lunch in Malvern (Mmmm.... Nandos...), caught in the rain in Moorabbin (splosh splosh), and watching the World Cup Qualifier on TV (two-two). Who'd have thought this city could get so fired up about soccer? I almost went but none of my rotten friends (or at least, the ones I asked) wanted to go. Like the rest of the nation, I couldn't believe it when after Australia had been leading two-nil, Iran managed to equalise, winning the last World Cup Finals place. D'oh! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That's more than we can fit this week. If you're wondering, yes, I did watch the thing tonight on the ABC about learning to drive. For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. To get your subscription moved, send a "remove" from the old address, and a "subscribe" from the new one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed for non- profit purposes provided no modifications are made and this notice is included. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@custard.net.au ------- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Wiggly Toxic Custard" ***** **** * * **** http://www.toxiccustard.com * * * * * *** Number 375, 8/12/97 *OXIC ****USTARD *****ORKSHOP *ILES Written by Daniel Bowen --------------------------------------------------------------------- DIARY - Fri 5/12/97 - My week It's been another busy week, and unlike my quiet weeks when I can advise the world of my progress through life every few days, this update has had to wait until the end of the week again. I don't remember anything terribly interesting happening on Monday, so I'll move right on to Tuesday. Tuesday was a joyous day. The Electrical Trades Union decided to go on strike on Tuesday, knocking the suburban train system out of action. Since the trains figure heavily in my new commute, this could've caused a few problems for me. But as I was determined not to let the ETU have the pleasure of forcing me to pay large sums of money for peak hour taxi rides, I found an alternative commute by bus, which miraculously only took about 15 minutes longer. Okay, so I sympathise with their argument about the WorkCover reforms the government is making, but they don't seem to have got the message yet that shutting down the transport system doesn't actually hurt the government at all. Nothing much spectacular happened for the remainder of the working week. There was a practice drive with my sister on Thursday, and somewhere along the line I managed to install Internet Explorer 4 at work with considerably more success than I had with the beta at home a few months ago, but other than that, nothing much worth mentioning. DIARY - Sun 7/12/97 - Bendigo On Saturday, as part of a gentle introduction to our quest to see more of Australia, we set off for Bendigo. Bendigo is about 150K's north of Melbourne, in the heart of Victoria's goldmining district. The train took about two hours to get there, weaving its way through varying countryside - from well farmed fields to thick rainforest - and towns of varying sizes. By the time we arrived in Bendigo it was well and truly lunchtime (we hadn't left home spectacularly early), so we cruised around the shops looking for some suitable food. Most suitable seemed to be pies and chips from a fine little establishment called Gillies, and we scoffed them down as we sat in the Hargreaves Street mall watching large numbers of the local population passing by. After that we started exploring, with the first stop the information centre, in the grand old ex-Post Office building on Pall Mall. They were very eager to give me brochures and maps, and almost chased me out of the place before I got a chance to even look at the various souvenirs on sale. We headed north, up to the Golden Dragon Chinese Museum to check out my roots, but paused outside the door when we saw the (as it turns out, not unreasonable) price of $6. Having a sudden attack of stinginess, and having no idea what was in there, we decided to put it off til later, which quite frankly turned out to be a big mistake. We went instead to look at the Chinese gardens, and the temple, and most impressive they were too, along with the gateway and marble bridge over the Bendigo Creek. Then we headed back to Rosalind Park, behind the information centre, and strolled for a while there, trying to avoid the muddier spots. Through the park back to Pall Mall, we found what must have been all of Bendigo's historical tourist trams waiting in the street. They were queued up ready to do a procession through the town to mark the 25th anniversary of the opening tour route - just as soon as a far longer queue of local and visiting politicians and dignitaries had finished their speeches extolling the praises of the trams, the town, the area, and well, just about everything else. They were still jabbering an hour later. We stocked up on ice creams from an excellent ice cream shop, the name of which escapes me, and headed up the hill that is View Street, where according to the map, there were about half a dozen places of interest within a block of each other. These turned out just to be historic buildings. No, I'm not knocking historic buildings, I was just expecting at least one thing to be something involving a bit more activity than standing, looking up and saying "yep, that's the old Fire Station/Temperance Hall/School Of Mines And Industries." After tramping up and down View Street, we were looking for a bit more relaxation, and went back into Rosalind Park for some serious relaxation on the seriously angled sloping lawns, which were thankfully free of mud. Isaac and I climbed to the top of the circa 1931 Lookout Tower and enjoyed the rather impressive view of the town, the gardens and the newly restored waterfalls, with their various groovy statues and things. Then we decided to stop messing around and do the Chinese museum. Once inside we realised that we should have come here first. It wasn't just the fact that they have the longest Chinese dragon in the world permanently displayed around the perimeter of the building. It wasn't just the immaculately presented displays. And it wasn't just the personal tour we got (including a quick lesson in Origami). Okay, well actually maybe that was it. Anyway, we were rather disappointed that we had to rush things a bit (we didn't want to have to get the late train back), and we've promised ourselves to get back to Bendigo soon - preferably at Easter when they the dragon comes out - and make sure we see all that the museum has to offer next time. Well, so long Bendigo, as Telly Savalas might have said... You're my kind of town! * The camera's back... see the Web page for pictures of scenic Bendigo!... http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/1997/12.html - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I've been pondering The Wiggles. What *did* happen to the mysterious fifth Wiggle? Did he drown in his own vomit on an ill-fated trip to Hamilton? And how many record companies knocked them back before their big break? "We think kids' groups are on the way out". Now that they're getting big sales, how huge will they get? Will they get too big for their boots so we end up seeing them at the MCG - where all you'd be able to see is four coloured t-shirts on the horizon jumping up and down singing "get ready to Wiggle..." Will they make a landmark performance on one of the US variety shows and suddenly make it big in America, despite the repackaging of their early albums by the US record company? Will they tour the big cities, barricaded in their hotel rooms by hordes of screaming kids? Will Greg proclaim "we are bigger than Jesus Christ" prompting millions of parents to light bonfires of Dorothy The Dinosaur dolls? What will happen in their decline... will their popularity eventually wane? Will they go back to playing tiny venues, or will they abandon touring altogether, just concentrating on their studio albums and videos, with the occasional impromptu rooftop performance? Will Murray drag the other members to a meditation getaway in India with a mysterious sect? Will the band split because Lucy Fixit or Leanne Halloran causes an argument between the members? Will Anthony and Jeff go back to their old band the Cockroaches? Will their albums eventually be remaindered, or will they be labelled classics and sold at full price for the rest of time? In ten years will we see a Kids' Supergroup consisting of a couple of Wiggles, a Hooley Dooley, Monica Trapaga, the cow from Jump 2 It and one of the Bananas? ... maybe called the Travelling Wiggleburies? (For those of you not familiar with The Wiggles, check out http://www.thewiggles.com.au ... and the fifth Wiggle has shown up. In an interview in the paper last week, he claimed he wasn't disappointed to have missed out on the millions they're now raking in. Yeah. Sure.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Phew.. out of time. More next week. For subscription requests, or removals, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive e-mail confirmation within 24 hours. To get your subscription moved, send a "remove" from the old address, and a "subscribe" from the new one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed for non- profit purposes provided no modifications are made and this notice is included. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- E-mail: dbowen@custard.net.au ------- TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is Copyright (c) 1997, 1998 Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. For subscription and back-issue information, send email to info@toxiccustard.com