**************************************************************************** ### # # ### ##### ## # # # ## ## # # ### ##### ## ### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### # # # # # # # # # ## # #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # ## ## ## ### # # # # # ### ____________________________________________________________________________ # # ### #### # # #### # # ### #### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ### ### ##### # # #### ##### # # ##### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### # # # # #### # # ### # # # ##### ##### #### *******NUMBERS 346 TO 350*****************************BY DANIEL BOWEN******* *****Please note, some of the quoted addresses within this file may no***** ***longer be correct. Please email info@toxiccustard.com for information.*** "Cyborg-lesbian-Indian Toxic Custard" _____ ___ __ \ / \ / / http://www.toxiccustard.com /oxic \ustard / \orkshop \_iles Number 346, 19th May 1997 \ /___ \_\_/ / Written by Daniel Bowen Congratulations Susie Maroney, for being the first person to swim from Cuba to Florida. But to us super-fit Australians, this isn't really news, is it? 112 miles? So what? I mean, one of my neighbours just swam around Antarctica. Naked! And with no shark cage or support crew! He just gripped a Mars Bar between his teeth and off he went. Set off from Hobart, went around twice, and back again after a couple of hours. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Wednesday 14/5/97 I think I need to get fit. This afternoon on the way home from dropping off the auxiliary VCR for one of its occasional services (this being the occasion of it ceasing to work), I did the 150 Metre Across Huntingdale Station Carpark Down The Ramp Through The Underpass Up The Ramp And Onto The Train Sprint. Okay, so I didn't have to do it, but I had seen the train coming, and who wants to wait an extra fifteen minutes if you don't have to? So I only just made it. I mean, apart from only just making it onto the train, I think physically I only just made it. I was still breathing heavily five minutes later. And my legs felt distinctly wobbly. It's not that I'm particularly unfit. But I don't think this carcass of mine is used to sudden bursts of strenuous exercise. Maybe it should be. Okay, okay, I admit it, I've been feeling a little unfit and inadequate since I saw that guy in the park who strolled up and used the top of the swings like a bar to jump onto and hang upside down off doing exercises. On the work front, still looking. A few pots on the boil, so to speak. In the meantime I'm building a home page for a friend's company, so I'm wrestling with domain name registration and HTML again. Maybe once I'm assured of having a job it'll be time to go on a short spending spree. Hopefully the VCR will be mended, but the hi-fi amplifier's had it, the computer's hard disk is full (buying Office 97 didn't exactly help) and the home-office chair is beginning to disintegrate. DIARY - Sunday 18/5/97 Isaac turned two last Thursday, and yesterday we had a whole bunch of kids over to celebrate his birthday. Large numbers of small kids descending on a house can sometimes be a daunting prospect, but we made sure that they would be outnumbered by adults, so we thought it'd be okay. I'm sitting here, unable to write much more because the telly's on and I'm distracted by the Logies. It's all a bit pathetic, isn't it? These people that get awarded them - how can they possibly be as surprised as they appear to be? And how come on every awards show that has ever been, the presenters know they don't have to bend down to speak into the microphones, but the people who accept the awards (who are often the same people!) always think they *do* have to bend down? On the jobs front, last Friday I ended up faced with two job offers - one a permanent job where I used to work, and one a 6 month contract almost where I used to work. The permanent job was more the kind of work I'm after, but the contract is more money, and I'd rather keep contracting. So after agonising about it for several hours, I decided to be a greedy bastard and take the contract. So late this week, I finally get back into doing some real work. And I'll be back in the city, which craps all over working in the suburbs. Everything's within five minutes' walk at lunch time. Hopefully I've still got my knack of shopping without spending too much. For more of Daniel's diary as it happens, check out http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Doug in Seattle wrote: In yesterday's Seattle Times, there was an article about Pauline Hanson. I quote: "Hanson, who owned a fish-and-chips shop near Brisbane before winning election to Parliament last year, set forth her vision in a book, 'Pauline Hanson - The Truth,' cowritten by unnamed authors.... In 50 years, the book predicts, the country will be home to 1.8 billion Asians and will be ruled by a 'cyborg-lesbian-Chinese-Indian.'" My question is: how large is Australia's Parliament? That is, what percentage of your government does this froot-loop woman constitute? Thanks for the excerpt Doug. It's nice to know another Australian export is making it big overseas. (Actually, IS there anywhere we could export her to? Please?) Pauline Hanson is the member for the seat of Oxley in Queensland, making one of the more favoured nicknames for her "the Oxley Moron". If you're looking for it on the map, the seat of Oxley includes the town of Ipswich. I won't claim to have read the book, but from the excerpts I've seen published, it would appear that most of it is as credible as the above quote. Pauline is no longer a member of the Liberal Party, so she is not actually part of the Liberal Party/National Party Coalition Government. She is forming her own party, "One Nation", which is certainly ironic given how divisive she is. Of course, she'd deny this. Last week she complained that protests at her party meetings had been incited by Prime Minister John Howard (finally) criticising her. HELLO, EARTH TO PAULINE! THERE WERE PROTESTS THE PREVIOUS WEEK TOO, BEFORE HOWARD SAID ANYTHING! Anyway, if everyone will forgive, I'll go on a brief and probably futile tour through a bunch of numbers in an effort to try and actually answer this question. According to the Australian Electoral Commission there were 75,751 votes cast in the seat of Oxley at the last election in March 1996. 33,960 of these were for Pauline. After the distribution of preferences, she had 38,129 votes, enough to win her the seat. In that election there were 11,740,568 registered voters, and of these 11,244,017 voted. So, Pauline got 0.302% of the nation's first preference votes. There are 148 seats in the House Of Representatives. She holds one of them, which is 0.67% of the seats. Each House Of Reps seat is meant to more or less hold the same number of voters, and Oxley is about right - Pauline represents 75,751 voters of the 11,244,017 in the country, so she represents 0.67% of the voters. If you'd like to learn more about Australia's electoral system, try the Australian Electoral Commission site, http://www.aec.gov.au - or for a lighter view of last year's election, try the Toxic Custard Political Circus, http://www.toxiccustard.com/features/circus/ To catch up on Australian culture, check the question and answer archive at http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some people are signing the Toxic Custard guest book, but most of you obviously haven't! So crank up your Web browser now and get moving! http://www.toxiccustard.com Now's probably a good time to plug the Toxic Custard USA feature, given that it got a mention in The Age travel section on Saturday 17/5/97. http://www.toxiccustard.com/usa/ For subscription requests, changes, removals, etc, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" and/or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive email confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- Email: dbowen@toxiccustard.com ------ TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Toxic Custard's Official Issue 347 - Beware of imitations!" toxic custard workshop files, written by daniel bowen---------------- ---------------------------twenty-sixth of may, nineteen ninety-seven number three hundred and forty-seven--------------------------------- -------------h t t p colon slash slash w w w dot toxiccustard dot com I think maybe the sporting team/promotional tie-ins are getting a bit out of hand. Every team or league has its official this, official that, and official the other. The AFL apparently has an "official fast food restaurant", an "official bread" and "official soft drink"! But Richmond Football Club really takes the cake on this... according to the boards up in their ground they have an "official hair stylist"!! What next? Will the teams have an "official manicurist"? Or an "official brothel"?? How about an "official humorous web-site to waste time at"? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DIARY - Tue 20/5/97 - John Cleese in a bikini Curses! About a month ago our PC at home had the monitor go in for repair. They replaced it with a nicer one, so I was really hoping they'd somehow forget about us and we'd get to keep it, instead of getting our old ratty one back again. Alas, it was not meant to be - the guy brought our old one back. Drat. Maybe it's worth replacing it? Maybe I really should go on that consumer electronics shopping spree and buy a new monitor, new hard drive, amplifier... Anyway when the guy dropped it off, we unplugged the loaner monitor and plugged in our one and booted the computer back up. Everything worked okay, including the current desktop wallpaper - Pythonline's May Pet Of The Month - John Cleese in a bikini. So now I'm wondering... did the computer repair guy notice this? And if so, did he get the joke? He seemed awfully keen to get to his next appointment... Did he run down to the car and jump on the phone to the office "you would not BELIEVE what that guy's got on his computer!" DIARY - Sun 25/5/97 - New job Somewhere up in the clouds, hundreds of feet above the ground, that's where you'll find me during working hours. My new job is up on the 27th floor. Although I don't have a window seat, the view is terrific. But being so high up means getting used to express lifts. It genuinely frightens me that a metal box that you're standing in can travel so many floors up (or even worse, down) in such a short time. On Thursday I foolishly went down in the lift for lunch, eating a banana. Not a good idea. It almost leapt back up my throat. And the job itself? It's pretty good. I'm back at a company I used to work at (that big phone company that starts with T), and half the people I'm working with seem to know half the people I used to work with - who are only three floors below me anyway. As with all computer jobs in the history of the universe, you spend the first day reading lots of documents so you try and get the remotest idea of what's going on. Then on the second day you generally start delving gently into some actual work. This has been no exception. So in general it's going well. In fact, compared to my last job, it's going exceedingly well: Last job This job ----------------------- ----------------------- The contract Three months Six months programming programming Location Suburbia, big maze-like City, in a humungous corporate HQ, commonly shiny new skyscraper. known as The Death Star. Commute 10 minutes walk plus 20 8 minutes walk plus 20 minutes on bus with minutes on express shouting students. Got train with studious a seat every time. commuters and outnumbered (and therefore subdued) students. Although the odds are against it, I've so far managed to get a seat every time. Nearby A handful of shops, a Just about every type couple of parks, and a of shop, restaurant and most picturesque view facility imaginable. of a quarry and the freeway. Location in Ground floor, 27th floor, overlooking building overlooking front the Queen Vic market, garden sprinklers and Elizabeth Street and main road. most of the north of Melbourne Distance to Five minutes' walk to Chips and choccies in junk food bistro and queue. For charity tray thing in hot chocolate, add an kitchen, thirty average five minutes' seconds' walk away. wait at the Southern Location of Coke and Hemisphere's Slowest hot chocolate inside Coffee Counter. the building undetermined as yet. Got desk Week five. Before that First day we were nomads, wandering around the building all day. Got Second day, got a bin Found all I need so far stationery and loads of pens, in the desk pads, highlighters, pencils, floppy disks, and everything else you could think of. Got key Week two. It involved a So far I'm still having and/or pass multitude of paperwork, to ring through and getting my photo taken plead for colleagues to and waiting around for let me in, or assure the card machine to do someone else entering its work. that I really work there. Got phone Week six. Mobile phone First day for outbound usage was well above calls. Should have my average in the weeks own number Real Soon before! Now. Got LAN Week five. First day, everything point and plugged in and working. cable Got computer Never got it, unless First day, all setup you count that day in with correct software. the second last week Correct in this case when I cut the pictures being Windows 3.1, but of computers out of the I'll survive. In fact Harvey Norman catalogue it's so long since I've and left them on had a computer at work everybody's desks. I think I'm in heaven. Got logon No idea, never had First day, I was even anything to logon to. told what the initial password was! Started Never, unless you count Second day and real work the snippets I did at productive already, home to show them what wow! could be done when we got started working. For more of Daniel's diary as it happens, check out http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TOXIC CUSTARD'S GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA returns next week... In the mean time, keep reading the archives and asking your questions... http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Make your mark on the Toxic Custard Official List Of Timewasters! http://www.toxiccustard.com/guestbook For subscription requests, changes, removals, etc, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" and/or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive email confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- Email: dbowen@toxiccustard.com ------ TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Beware of geeks bearing gifts - especially Toxic Custard" Toxic Custard Workshop Files http://www.toxiccustard.com Number 348, 2nd June, 1997 Written by Daniel Bowen, as per usual --------------------------------------------------------------------- DIARY - Fri 30/5/97 - We're all geeks All in all, the week's been good. Work's going okay, I've finally just about almost got a little bit of a grip on what we're all meant to be doing. I finally got the guided tour of the office, and was introduced to everybody - at least, everybody that the guy I'm working with could remember the names of. That's okay though - a few seconds after I was introduced to most of the people, I had forgotten their names. That's just me. I'm terrible at remembering names. I can usually recognise a face, but can't remember the name that goes with it. At my last job it was easy - everybody wore security IDs, with their first name prominently displayed in capital letters. Oh well. Just in case any of them are reading - to everybody except for Darren, Michael, Patrick, Annie, Judy, Ben and Vince - you know what your names are - sorry. I've dropped in on the people I used to work with a couple of times. And talking to some of the people in my area, it's amazing how small the computer industry is, even in a big city like Melbourne. A lot of people I meet have worked with the same people I've worked with. In fact, you know the Kevin Bacon Game? The one where every actor that ever was is linked back to Kevin Bacon by who else they've been in movies with? Someone should do an IT industry version of the Kevin Bacon game. In fact if anyone wants to have a bash at it, I'll donate my name to the title. The Daniel Bowen Game. Rings a bell, doesn't it. If this takes off, my name could be a talking point at geek parties all over town. And yes, I think most of the people who work in the IT industry are geeks. I think I'm a geek. Sometimes I've tried to deny it, but there comes a point where you realise that it's just something you are. The point I got to was when I realised how many of my friends only bother to ring me when they've got questions to ask me about computers. I'm probably in their address books under "G". But that's okay, because everyone's a geek. We're all geeks with something. If you know more about anything than someone else, you're a geek. It's just that the G word is usually reserved for computer people and the like. We all laugh at trainspotters (I mean the people, not the movie), we all think "gee, what nerds. What complete geeks". But everyone's geeky about something. Fascinated by the intricacies of HTML? You're a geek. Know all about hifi? You're a geek. Got everything about cars, all that twin-cam ABS fuel-injection stuff all memorised? You're a geek. Remember every footy game your club has played since you were born? Geek. Do you know without looking at the labels which clothes have to go in the wash on hot, which on warm, and which on cold? Geek. Can you tell the difference between all your drill bits without a second glance? Geek. It doesn't matter. It's better to be interested in something than interested in nothing. But remember: It doesn't matter how cool or butch it is. You're still a geek. See pictures of geeks - on the web site.. http://www.toxiccustard.com DIARY - Sun 1/6/97 - Best busker in a long time It's quite amazing the talent there is out there on the streets. Yesterday in the Bourke Street Mall I saw, and listened to in awe, the best slide guitar busker called Matt that I've ever seen. He even kept Isaac entertained - and let me tell you, it's no mean feat to keep a two year old entertained without the benefit of kids' songs and colourful animal characters. This guy was rocking. No, really. He was good. He was so good I decided to throw caution into the wind and buy his CD. "$20 - or $15 if you can convince me you're more broke than I am". I couldn't convince him. Well why not? Most CDs people buy, they might have heard some of the songs on the radio, or maybe they've heard none and they just buy the CD because the cover looks interesting. It's not every album you buy that you get a free live sample of before you buy it. Just try walking into Brashs and saying "well, I'd like to buy this U2 album, but first I'd really like to see them play a couple of the songs right now so I know what I'm getting", and see what they say. So, Matt Corcoran, welcome to our CD collection. Love your work... especially that song "Can't Sing". Meanwhile, the second VCR has broken down. I don't remember if I've detailed here all the things that have broken down in the last couple of months, but the complete list goes something like this: * computer monitor display got lines across it * camcorder playback went funny * VCR #1 wouldn't play or record. Well, okay, it would, but the result was just weird static * fridge glass shelf broke... and now... * VCR #2, decided to go on strike, with a tape jammed halfway in, halfway out of the machine. Thankfully most of these have been under warranty, or extended warranty in the case of VCR #2. Extended warranty is a marvellous system whereby the customer gambles that the device they are buying is going to break down, and the shop gambles that it won't. The customer usually wins. Another way of looking at it is that the customer pays for the repair in advance, whether or not it happens. Hmm... not sure. Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps it's not the shoddy quality of consumer electronics that's the problem. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm jinxed. Uh oh. I think I'd better finish up typing before I poke my hand through the keyboard, put my right elbow through the screen and get my foot stuck in the disk drive. Some of the diary didn't make it into this issue due to virtual space reasons. But it's on the Web at http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Anonymous wrote: I'm helping my friend with a report on Australia and I need to know the current political climate there. Hmmm... Anonymous, eh? I wonder if your friend is allowed to ask for help with the report? And does this count asking Australians? Or perhaps it would earn points for initiative? Anyway, to your question. The political climate. Well, at the moment it's June, so it's starting to get quite constitutionally cold, especially down here in Melbourne. So far there hasn't been much radical rain, but some country areas are getting socialist snow. A different Anonymous wrote: Having recently moved to Melbourne from Sydney, I would really like to know *why* you Melburnians persist in maintaining that silly rivalry thing when we gave it up as a bad joke about fifteen years ago? Ha! So Sydney gave up, huh? Couldn't take it, HUH!??! Are you all just really immature, or are you still jealous that your waterfront really sucks? Our waterfront does not suck! It's superb! It's great! Look at it! Loads of dark grey concrete overlooking a muddy brown river! You can't get better than that! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! Your buildings are pretty, but the people in Melbourne, especially shop assistants, are so rude! That's because they know you're from Sydney! Toxic Custard's Guide To Australia will be much more sensible next week. To catch up on Australian culture, check the question and answer archive at http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ More and more people are standing up in front of the world and proclaiming "I am a timewaster!" And you can join them today - join the Toxic Custard Official List Of Timewasters. http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, changes, removals, etc, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" and/or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive email confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- Email: dbowen@toxiccustard.com ------ TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Bad hair Toxic Custard" Toxic http://www.toxiccustard.com Custard Number 349 Workshop 9th June 1997 Files-------------------------------------------------by Daniel Bowen DIARY - Fri 6/6/97 - Bad hair year It seems I'm not updating my diary as much as I'd like to - obviously the consequence of having a job where I'm not at home three quarters of the time, and have to do some actual, real, genuine work. Looking in the mirror this morning I suddenly noticed how much grey hair I have. A lot. Far too much for someone of 26. What could be causing it? Is it stress? I don't feel stressed. At least, I don't think I feel stressed. Do I have a lot of worries? Do I worry too much about the worries I should be worrying about? Actually, I had my blood pressure checked a couple of weeks ago. 90 over 60. Or was it 60 over 90? Or was it 190 over 160? I can't remember now, and it's beginning to worry me. Too much exercise? Ha! Not that I think I'm vastly unfit or anything. Just moderately unfit. Actually, the last place I didn't work at had a gym inside the building. Well, somewhere inside the building. You went to the ground floor foyer (which from my desk was out of the office, along a corridor and through the reception area), along a corridor, through some doors, down some steps, around a corner, down some more steps and along another corridor through some doors and around a corner and down a corridor... and there it was. You didn't need to join, you just had to go down and back once or twice a day to keep fit. But grey hair at 26? By the time I'm 30 will I have a sprinkle of grey... at 35 all grey and at 45 all white? Would it suit me? Do I believe the people, my wife included, who claim it looks distinguished? Or should I spray paint it? Should I give up now and shave it all off? Nah. Better grey hair than no hair. Ermm... I think. See the Web page for my projected hairstyles of the next 20 years... http://www.toxiccustard.com DIARY - Mon 9/6/97 (Queen's Birthday) - Sales pitch of the week I'm sure advertising is an art. Inducing people into handing over their precious dosh in return for whatever crap you happen to be selling must be quite difficult - which is probably why advertising types always seem to be rolling in it. At least, the good ones probably are. The good ones being those who have convinced their clients to hand over their precious dosh in return for whatever sales pitch they come up with. Last week I spotted two sales pitches worth mentioning. One good, the other bad. First the bad. A bloke on the corner of Elizabeth and Lonsdale Streets in the lunch hour, a pile of what could loosely be described as pamphlets in one hand. I presume these pamphlets were destined to be read by potential customers. I have to presume this, because unlike the more successful people who do this job, he held them close to his body, rather than thrusting them in people's faces. I got the feeling that if someone actually wanted one they might have had to knock him unconscious and prised it from his hand. And rather than bellowing his sales pitch for all in the vicinity to be deafened by and take notice of, he was hardly noticeable. I was with two other people when I passed him. One didn't notice the guy at all. The other thought he was just waiting to cross the street. Only I heard his feeble cry... "Shirt ten dollars." Well he's not going to win Spruiker Of The Year now, is he. However, this week's winning sales pitch was a masterstroke. It intrigued with its vague description of the goods on offer. It amused with its honest Aussie larrikinism. It informed with its precise address and helpful arrows pointing in the direction to go. Pasted around my neighbourhood today were notices that proclaimed: GARAGE SALE! 14 BENT ST * Toys/Books/CD's * Computer software * Bric a Brac & Shit! Monday 9th <---- Well if that doesn't get the crowds in, I don't know what will! On the other hand, while eye-catching, they didn't actually work on me - I never got around to going down there and finding out what they had. Tonight though, I did souvenir one so I could accurately reproduce it here. And so I could stick up in the spare room as a memory of possibly one of the great garage sales that I have so tragically missed out on. Catch Daniel's diary as it happens, and read back through those classic moments of '95 and '96... http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ Brian Stoll in the US wrote: I'm in the Radio business, and was wondering if the radio is like that of England, with like a BBC government owned, or like here in America where it is a free-for-all system based on selling advertising to pay the bills? We've got a bit of both and some of neither. Firstly we've got the government funded stations, run by the ABC (which is like the BBC, but less British and more Australian) and SBS (which is like the ABC, but with less money and more varieties of languages). The ABC and SBS run three or four radio networks in most capital cities, about half that in country areas, as well as a TV network apiece. Some of their radio networks (like Triple J, and their metropolitan talk stations) quite a few people listen to, and others (like Parliamentary Radio), most people would only listen to under threat of torture. Then there's the commercial stations. There's tons of these, some organised into networks, playing just about anything, as long as it sells. They're supported by what sometimes seems like endless advertising. (Is it just me, or does a "full half hour of commercial- free music" always come surrounded in twenty minutes of ads?) There's also a few community stations, broadcasting such minority things as country music, weird heavy metal, ethnic community news and anything else that a few dozen people who've got access to the broadcast equipment find interesting. To catch up on more Australian culture, check the question and answer archive at http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't miss Daniel bald! http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, changes, removals, etc, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" and/or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive email confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- Email: dbowen@toxiccustard.com ------ TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Messing around with Toxic Custard" TOXIC CUSTARD Number 350, 16/6/97. Written by Daniel Bowen WORKSHOP FILES http://www.toxiccustard.com --------------------------------------------------------------------- DIARY - Fri 13/6/97 - Messing around with hardware Well, I just finished putting my computer back together after minor surgery. It's a little intimidating for someone like me, who's used to messing around with software configurations, installations, palpitations and exasperations, but not so used to opening up the lid and rummaging around inside the box. I'm a software geek, not a hardware geek. Messing around with the software, the worst you can do is have to install it again. Messing around with hardware, the worst you can do is bend some pins, break a cable, drop a large screw somewhere in the innards, electrocute everything and eat the CPU. Make a false move, and it could get expensive. But it had to be done. Today's modern software is more efficient than ever before at earning big bucks for hard drive, memory and CPU manufacturers. This time it was the hard drive that ran out of space. There was no getting round it, it was time to upgrade from having to . So after gingerly carrying the thing home (who could believe you could fit so much in a box so small), backing up all my files just in case, scratching my head reading the installation manual, delicately plugging things in and unplugging and adjusting the jumper switches and replugging and wrestling with the BIOS and doing partitions and scans and checking for high blood pressure (mine, not the computer's), it all seems to work. Nothing seems to have broken. And I can't believe I even thought about attempting it on Friday the 13th. DIARY - Sun 15/6/97 - Free money! In the world today, some countries are thriving... some are not. For those that are not, there are many signs... civil war and unrest... starvation, famine... drought, flood... But what would be the most insulting and humiliating thing for a country? I'll tell you what: Their currency being given away free in Corn Flakes packets. I'm not joking - Sanitarium Corn Flakes at the moment has a promotion - Currencies of the World. I have in my hand a note from the Bank Polski for 50 somethings... Zlotych? Looks genuine. Seems to be dated 1988, so it's probably worth practically zilch by now. In fact, the picture of the guy on the note looks severely pre-Perestroika. So, you might be wondering what other countries' money is being given away with breakfast cereal. Here's what the list on the back of the box says: * Poland; Latvia; Belarus; Yugloslavia; Russia; Indonesia; Tajikistan; Croatia; Peru; Nicaragua; the United States and Great Britain. Nah, just kidding on the last two. But it raises the question... I wonder if anybody has seen any Aussie currency in their local breakfast cereal? DIARY - Mon 16/6/97 - Spend the Money The great End-Of-The-Tax-Year-Quick-Let's-Spend-The-Money hardware binge continues. Next card off the rank and into the PC is a video capture board. Cool, so now I'll be able to put snippets of video and pictures all over the web pages. If I can get the thing to work, that is! I think the next thing, if the budget allows, is to splash out on a new chair - preferably one that isn't falling apart like the one I'm sitting on is. The news from work is that I'll get a phone of my very own either tomorrow or Wednesday, so I can stop bothering the guy I sit next to for his all the time. Well okay, not all the time. Some of the time. Catch Daniel's diary as it happens http://www.toxiccustard.com/diary/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE TOXIC CUSTARD GUIDE TO AUSTRALIA http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ tgnick@Somewhere in the States wrote: In America, rural mail delivery is very strange. The mailbox is ALWAYS on the side of the road that forces the mail carrier to drive in the passenger seat. The trucks are built with the steering wheel on the "right" side of the truck, which makes no sense because Americans drive on the "right" side of the road. Have the Aussies gotten it "right" or do your rural mail delivery people also have to sit in the passenger seat to get to your mail boxes? I did notice the mail trucks when I was over in the States last year. I think I saw some with big warning notices that said "Warning! Right hand drive!" and I thought "...so?..." before working it out. Perhaps it's frustration with this that sends so many American mail workers back to their workplaces with loaded guns and a mildly uncooperative attitude? Anyway let's see if I've got this right, is this how it works? ^ ----------- Driving| | <> | ------- this| | Driver| |Mailbox| way| | | ------- |___Truck___| So I guess it's a choice between driving the wrong way down the street and putting the wheel on that side. Driving the wrong way down the street could provide interesting neighbourhood entertainment, but it might not improve the mail service. To answer your question, just about all Australian posties use motorbikes, bicycles or push carts. Those that drive vans (typically picking up from mail boxes and delivering parcels) just use a normal, right hand drive van, though often with the passenger seat taken out so they can get to the curb quickly. "Postie", by the way is what most Australians call anybody who delivers mail. Just another word we've developed out of what I suspect is a reluctance to say the whole word because of laziness. Is there any other reason that we'd abbreviate "the Melbourne Cricket Ground" to "the MCG", and then shorten it again to just "the 'G"? On the other hand, words like "postie" and "garbo" could be labelled politically correct, because they don't presume gender like "postman" and "garbage man". So there you go. Street sweeping trucks and garbage trucks, especially those operated by one garbo, are about the only vehicles that tend to have one of those weird freaky deviant left-hand-drives. To catch up on more Australian culture, check the question and answer archive at http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Relive the early adventures of Mr Popsicle - now with extra material! http://www.toxiccustard.com For subscription requests, changes, removals, etc, send mail to request@toxiccustard.com with the subject header "subscribe" and/or "remove" as appropriate. You should receive email confirmation within 24 hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. -- Daniel Bowen, Custard Communications Pty Ltd, Melbourne, Australia ---------- Email: dbowen@toxiccustard.com ------ TCWF information: info@toxiccustard.com Waste your time here---> http://www.toxiccustard.com <---Waste your time here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Toxic Custard Workshop Files - http://www.toxiccustard.com - is Copyright (c) 1997 Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia. Excerpts may be distributed without charge provided no modifications are made and this notice is appended. For subscription and back-issue information, send email to info@toxiccustard.com