Wildlife

When you suck up a huntsman into your vacuum cleaner, does it die? Or will it just crawl back out again when the coast is clear? I had to kill TWO over this long weekend (I think there is a spider plague in Melbourne), and then spent considerable time cleaning spider guts off the walls, so I was wondering if the vacuum cleaner is an alternative. - Sarah, Australia

However. Over the weekend I heard the story of a huntsman that was sucked off a wall into a vacuum cleaner. The next day, what is believed to be the same spider was found back on the wall - covered in dust. Is that creepy or what?

So it appears the jury is still out on the effectiveness of vacuuming.

Do you really ride Kangaroo's to school? - Troy, location unknown

Australian Bureau of Statistics 

One of the things we learn at school is where to put apostrophes, and where not to. The spot where you put it is one of the places that is not meant to have one. Granted, not all of us who learn this stuff at school remember it and apply it, but it's something to keep in mind: apostrophes do not automatically go in front of the last S in a word.

I should also point out that "kangaroos" doesn't need a capital letter either, but that would just be being picky.

According to official figures, Australians travel to work and study in the following ways:

• Motor vehicle (driver) - 77.6%
• Train - 8.5%
• Motor vehicle (passenger) - 7.2%
• Bus - 7.1%
• Walk - 6.3%
• Bicycle - 2.8%
• Other* - 2.0%
• Motorbike or scooter - 1.3%

*Mostly tram and ferry. Not kangaroo. Truly. Honestly.

Presumably for the next census, they'll have to include those little Razor scooter things. Though quite possibly they'll be severely passé and have fallen out of common usage by August.

Melbourne Zoo: Southern Hairy-nosed Wombat

Sheepworld New Zealand

Australian Quarantine & Inspection Service

AQIS: Importing dogs and cats into Australia

In Australia the bureaucrats got sneaky and decided to confuse anybody looking for this type of information, by making it the responsibility of a separate Quarantine service: with the intriguing acronym AQIS. They have the responsibility of keeping rabies and numerous other nasty diseases out of Australia.

Some breeds of dog are banned outright from Australia, basically any breed that comes under the category of "vicious bastard mongrel that would bite your hand off soon as look at you". Unfortunately under Commonwealth law their owners can't be banned too, which is a shame as they tend to be the types of people that you wish could be banned.

Golden Retrievers however are not on the banned list. So all your dog needs to do is get hold of the correct application form and fill it out. You can help if your dog's reading and writing skills are lacking. Send the form to AQIS with a permit fee and hopefully the wheels of bureaucracy will creak into motion and you'll get the permit to import your dog.

Have your wallet in good shape before you start the whole process, there is a myriad of fees involved. Full details of the whole process are on the AQIS web site.

Perth Zoo: Tasmanian Devil Page

Wombat home page

Related sites:

Melbourne Zoo

Bilby information

If there's really 300 million rabbits, that's more than 15 for each man, woman and child in Australia. Which, quite frankly, is a bit worrying. We're severely outnumbered. Suddenly I feel like I'm being watched...

Judging from the trouble Australia has gone to in the last few decades to wipe out the little bunny-wunny-kins with nasty-wasty viruses, the presence of rabbits must be at the very least a little inconvenient. Myxomatosis was especially developed in Australia specifically to knock off rabbits. The woman who thought it all up is buried in Beechworth, Vic, I saw her grave once. It's got a statue of a dead rabbit on it. Nah, just kidding.

Apparently the rabbits bounced back though, because they've become resistant to myxomatosis. Scientists have now developed a virus that almost nobody knows how to spell, but it's pronounced something like Caleesi. I wouldn't say this one has been "intentionally spread" because it actually escaped from quarantine by accident a year or two back. So far it seems to be doing the job.

There's also a battle being fought on the chocolate front. The bilby, a small local Australian rabbit-like creature is starting to replace the chocolate bunnies that kids have traditionally scoffed down at Easter.

Internet Movie Database: A Cry In The Dark

This event was followed by about four thousand different legal battles over fifteen years or more, with the verdicts alternately blaming a dingo and Azaria's mother Lindy for the disappearance.

Eventually the Chamberlains were pardoned. The movie produced was "A Cry In The Dark", also known as "Evil Angels".

The Animal Rights Activists turn up too, to confront the Men With Big Guns and generally cause a fuss and get on the TV news. The activists take the position, which has some merit, that the ducks themselves would prefer to just fly around, and not have the crap blown out of them by the Men With Big Guns. Which seems fair enough to me.

The other thing the Animal Rights Activists do is to collect some of the shot birds that are plainly not ducks - swans, for example. I'm not sure how on earth the Men With Big Guns can confuse a duck with a swan, but most years a few of them manage it.

Maybe the solution is for someone to engineer robot ducks, that don't mind having the crap blown out of them. But the Men With Big Guns wouldn't think it was so much fun, so it probably wouldn't work.

This year, most of the ducks have actually flown to other states (where duck shooting is not allowed). Maybe someone explained the different laws to them. With a bit of luck the Men With Big Guns and the Animal Rights Activists will all go home and take up gardening or ballroom dancing instead.